He is...

the one i could spent a whole day with, arguing about something and still wont end up in a fight.

the one who hug me and say 'i luv u' when im bein idiotic even in a moment when i should bein smart.

the one who will never let his pride bein harmed, but yet he dropped all his pride for me.

the one who doesnt know RAMONES, and much more other bands that i luv, and still.. i adore him.

the one who hates horror movies, but yet he stays beside me when i watched it.

the one who i [with all my consciences] declared as my LOVER.

menarik.....

aku dan dia...

who would've thought??

gonna write about him..

not now.. maybe later...

but im gonna tell u all about him.

and a bit about us :)

I'm hypnotized
By the beauty of the morning light
It draws me in and draws me out
And in the breeze I feel the life
Supping gently from my skin
Silence fills my head and everything
The water gently passes by
As I sit here mesmerized
I don't feel the way it drags me down
Across the waves I see a light
Shining golden in my path
Beauty fills my eyes and everything
Calling me
The beach song sings to me
I hear it calling me
Suicide can't bring me down
Your love can't turn around
Suicide can't take me
Suicide can't bring me down

hold a cutter wit cold n shaky hand.heart beats faster as d cutter gettin nearer to ur skin.
draw a thin line there.
ur skin is ur canvas.
make ur masterpiece.
take a heavy breath...
can u feel it..??
as d sharpness of it touch n cut ur skin, ur heart beats slower.
breath...
draw another thin line.draw draw n draw!
until u feel enuff.
until ur breath is lightened.
relieved in despair.
see d existence of significant red.
pain.pleasure.
do not reject.
feel it them.wit ur all.wit ur dim soul.wit ur unexisted moment of happiness.
see...??
that's d beauty of pain.
accept n feel...
beautiful pleasure of temporary pain.

Fading sun above the city of dusts
i stare out of the windowas far as my eyes do not betray me
People mistaking happiness for lust
easier for me to follow
somehow my conscience won't let me
swimming in a sea of hipocrisy
dreams vaporizing in skies of lies
hope withers dust to rust
I am what my conscience is
I am what I know is good
I am what I believe in...

--nucky--

as you walk bymy heartit perishesto dustto kill theearth's crustfailed to seecause of blindnessas with nointention walks my feettoward the wonders of theworld and die amongthe flowersas the peel likea ravishing diesasecorrupted hearthurting meas blood runscold slippingthrough fingersand running crosshides just behindthe transparentdisguisepiercing eyesinject thefleshas it boilshot androtsthe skullseject the bodiesas silentlywe stareinto the openand find nohopecreatingnothingbut tearingall happinessto treacherousscarpsof heartbreakas then thetentacle oflove iswretched amongall tattered soulsas flames embroiledthe joy you spring she lies embedded in blackroses dead.

--dark princess--

THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE DO,THE HATRED,THE DESPISE,THE AGONY THAT WE WILL MAKE THEM FEEL. WHY DOES ONE DO OTHERS LIKE THAT?MAYBE IT IS BECAUSE THAT THEY KNOW THE DARK SICK SIDE AS THEY WANT TO CALL IT. THE WAY PEOPLE DO WILL GET IT BACK 3 FOLD. BY THE TIME THEY HAVE READ THIS,THE 3 FOLD HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE. NOT FOR THE MEAK,BUT FOR THE WEIRD,FOR THE LOST,FOR THE SOULS THAT CRY AFTER NIGHT. LET THEM THINK HOW PEOPLE ARE. LET THE SHADOWS SEE THE TRUTH. LET THE BLACK MAGIC COME ALIVE. LET THE BEAST COME FROM UNDER THEIR BEDS AND ATTACK. ATTACK THEIR SOULS AT NIGHT AND SEE THE DEMON OF THE HATRED THAT THEY FELT FOR THE OTHER ONES. LET THE BEAST SHOW THEM HOW IT FEELS TO BE TORTURED BY THEIR OWN NEIGHBOR. LET THE WORLD KNOW TONIGHT. . .LET THEM DIE!

listening to media distorsi yg confession part 2...
ahayyyy.... makin kelam aja... ga tau knapa.. ko tiba2 pas nyadar lgi duduk di pojokan in my bedroom under meja blajar wit my light turned off....
gelap, di pojok, listening to that fckin depressing song.... oohhh.... ffckkkkk....

knowing the truth, truth that hardly i can accept... yea... one fact... my life now is soooo... messy.. fcked up,... dunno why... dunno how... even i dunno when it started,, u know... i have no clue at all...
help me please...
bein a screwed up alcoholic... fffffffccccck........
cant even spend a nite witout gettin alcoholized.
this is my worst degradation.
im a loner.. but not lonely, i have a loyal companion. beer it is.
hhhahaha.... so lame....
actually, feeling like i hav sum1, but feeling alone at the same time..
like i hav sum1 to rely on. but hav 2 b independent at the same time.
absurd.

today... visit nia @her house.

nia baru dateng dari bandung, and i have a sinful business [hhahha]. jadi aku maen lah ke rmhnya.
dan disana ada her sister, and her sister's daughter [nia's nephew]. her nephew's name is Aurel.
aurel itu lucuuuuuuuuuuuuuu bangeeeeeeeedh... tapiii.... oh my god, she's so evil. judessssh beratttttt..... sumpahh.... nia is as brutal as me, as scary as me... and it's good 2 see her so powerless, and bein abused and exploited by her demonic nephew. hhahaha...

imagine.... cewek yg amat sgt brutal, mnakutkan, sinting, "sakit", doyan brantem, di aniaya oleh seorang anak umur 3 thn.
hhahaha... aurel slaps nia's face sooooo many times... and i knew for sure it hurtss.. ouchh... dan nia hanya bisa bilang "ouch... sakiiiit!" hhahhahahahaha....
dan itu blm cukup... aurel memukul dan melempar nia dengan stik golf... hahahahahahaa..... GOLF STICK !!!!! For ffck's sake!!!! ngahahahahahaaha.......... it must be hurts a lotsssssssss....
and again, nia can only say "ouuuuuucccchhhhhh.... sakiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit..!!!!" hahahahahahaha......

dengan puasnya ak ktawa ampe puaaaaaassss....bangedhhh!!!

trus maen2 lah di prosotan nya si aurel.... sambil masih mencela2.....
dan saya jatuuuuuuuuuhhh...... jatuh kebalik. iyaaaah.... i fell upside down...!!! sakitttttttt...... ya dan sialnya orang2 yg menyaksikan insiden menyeramkan itu [hha..dramatis!], instead of helping me, they laughed!!!!!!!! siallllllllllllllllllllll...............

as the results.... ankle, knee, thigh, back, neck, arm... smuanya sakit...!!! ugh.... im a silly lucky jalank....... hahahahahahahahhahaa

being in an "idiot-attack" [kind of syndrom dat makes me so damn idiotic... i mean... damn idiot] really pain d ass. and many embarassing moments happened. yea... stupid.. no.. idiot. so, yesterday, i went up late. jadi, in a rush siap2 untk kerja. dan witout taking a bath. i thought of taking a bath @ d office. so i put my presentation suit [cos i had 2 do a ffckin presentation]. and well, yessh,,.. i look so charming, and classy and elegant and sophisticated [hha... narcist]. luckily, my friend pick me up. so... yes, lucky... sampai kantor, i went straight to meeting room. and............... my dad was already there. and stare @ me like...hmmm.... i dunno... scary stare!!! while in other hands, i walked in wit a perfect high self esteem. and..... after a smile and a "good morning" ... i stood in front of them. and they laughed..... wut????? wut's wrong??? yaaaaah....... i still wearing my huge pighead slipper.... damn........ i didnt wear my high heels, instead i wore my ugly xtremely huge pighead slipper. yups.... n no need 2 tell u more. cos i know u can imagine how that ended up. fffck......

yessssh......

i will...

okay..

here r the latest updates bout my life.

physical state : not healthy at all [back to alcoholicity..damn!]

mental state : not good.. 2 b honest.. more screwed than be4, more loon than be4. not cool!

family life : aha... wish i could say "everything's ok"

social life : back to #1 j.a.l.a.n.k !!! haghag... no days wit soberity! [is it gud??]

work life : not jobless!! ahayyy... back bein a teacher. yea..

love life : love? wut d hell is dat?

overall.........

all i cAn do is SMILE and pretend everything's OK.

and actually, everything's OK, just a bit srewed here n there. but i'll manage. bcos dat's wut i always do. i'll be just fine. cos im always fine. rite??????

You built my hopes so high,Baby
then you let me down so low
You built my hopes so high then ya let me down... so low
Don'tcha realize sweet baby?
man.. I don't know... which way to go
man.. I can't quit you babe

I think I'm gonna put you down for a while

Wanna tell you about the boy I love
My..he looks so fine. he's the only one that I been dreamin' of.
Maybe someday he will be all mine. I wanna tell him that I love him so
I thrill with his every touch
I need to tell him he's the only one I really love

I got a man, wanna ball all day
I got a man, he won't be true,
no.. I got a man, stay drunk all the time
I said I got a little man and he won't be true

Everybody's with the one they love I walk the town, Keep a-searchin' all around Lookin' for my street corner boy

I got a man, wanna ball all day
I got a man, he won't be true,
no.. no..
I got a man, stay drunk all the time
I said I got a little man and he won't be true

In the bars, with the women who play guitars
Singin', drinkin' and rememberin' the times
My little lover does a midnight shift. he followed around all the time
I guess there's just one thing a-left for me to do.. Gonna pack my bags and move on my way
Cause I got a worried mind
Sharin' what I thought was mine
Gonna leave him where the guitars play

I got a man, he won't be true,
no.. no..
I got a man, wanna ball all day
I got a man, stay drunk all the time
I got a little man and he won't be true

(Hey hey what can I do)

Hey fellas, have you heard the news? You know that rock boy is back in town? It won't take long just watch and see how the girls lay their money down. His style is new but the face is the same as it was so long ago, But from his eyes, a different smile like that of one who knows.
Well, it's been ten years and maybe more since I first set eyes on you. The best years of my life gone by, here I am alone and blue. Some people cry and some people die by the wicked ways of love; But I'll just keep on rollin' along with the grace of the Lord above.
People talkin' all around 'bout the way you left me flat, I don't care what the people say, I know where their jive is at. One thing I do have on my mind, if you can clarify please do, It's the way you call me by another girl's name when I try to make love to you. I try to make love but it ain't no use.
Work so hard I couldn't unwind, get some money saved.

Abuse my love a thousand times, however hard I tried.

Heartbreaker, your time has come, can't take your evil way

Go away, Heartbreaker.

Im tired, tired of these things. Tired of what I feel rite now. I thought this is when I should stop, but I cant stop, I dun want to stop. Even tho it’s killing me. Ah.. damn. Dunno what to do. Someone, please.. slap me in my face. Wake me up. Dun let me trapped in this goatdamn annoying beautiful harmful dream. The funny thing is im not heartless anymore, im so ffckin brainless now! Yea, im bein idiotic! A dumb brainless whore. Im a whore for real now. Bcos, I ffcked sumone when there is sumone else out there who’s waiting for me. Who’s longing for me. Who’s devoted to me. Who’s thinking of me. Who’s missing me. Who’s trusting me. Who’s willing to be with me. Yes, there’s sumone out there who’s deadly in luv with me. And what I gave to him in return???? I ffcked sumone else!!!! More than once. That sumone out there had 80% of my fake heart. And still, me, bein sucha whore with only 20% of fake heart, ffcking here and there, kissing here and there, declaring here and there that im a happy single fighter. Ooohhh… my 80%, please forgive me. I luv u, but u r way too far away! And im fakely in luv wit u. I dun luv u for real. The fact is, I just dun want u stop luving me. So I pretend that im in soooo in luv wit u. hmmmf… I know it’s evil. But, honey, im a whore.

And what can u xpect from a whore than a broken heart and pain?

DaMn…!!!!

HeLp mE

pLeAsE……….

HeLp mE

hhahhahha....

fair enuffffff...............

he'll be gone soon,
so.......
im still gonna try wit my 80%
still gonna try to luv my 80%

damn.........
confused.... confused... so fffin confused.

hmmmpff..... too many guys but there's only one ME. hhahahahahahaa...
oh...boys, please dun make me choose.

tae bgt ah gw.. mulai brantakan ni dunia perjalangan. duh duh gawat... ya ya ya.. rock boy, please come in and ffck me! hahahahaha
he is the 2nd rare lips. duh duh... with rare kisses...makin duh duh duh,,,... and u know wat?? he got the style.. u know, style that makes me go "uh" and "hmmm" along with thousands of dirty thoughts.. hahahaha......
but surely this is dangerous.
cos im tryin to fall in LUV here, hello??????!!! and he came!!!! damn.... and... and... and...um.... i want him too... ahahahaahaha....and im charmed....and...im ffcked!!! hahahahaha
duh duh duh......... i like 80% alotssssss.... but i like rock boy too, alotsssss!!! gmana dunk???? blm lgi si blue-eyed, duh duh duh...ampuuuuuuuuuun........tpi mslh si blue-eyed sih emg ga trlalu penting, emg gw jga ga trlalu doyan2 bgt ma dia.gw bingung....bego bego bego.....everything is so ffcked up now, and will be more ffcked up later.. hahahaha.....susah yah klo emang j.a.l.a.n.k ampe kpn pun tetep jdi j.a.l.a.n.k walopun gw brusaha tobatttt.... tapi, damnnnn...........tak tahan godaan!! nope nope! bkn tak tahan godaan, tpi yah itu terjadi aja, tanpa diinginkan tanpa disadari tanpa diharapkan. emang udah jalan idup gw gini kali yah?
wadawwwww...... gawatttttttttttttt...... idiiihhh..... dramatis bgt yah gw... dramatis tae..!
udah ah...........................

got a nu job!!!!!!!!!!!

interview and written test on tuesday morning.
and on the afternoon [it was like 4pm] got a call saying that i'm in!!!!!!!
hahahah.... how cool was that??????
truuuuuuusss...... hari rabunya lsg masuk!!
hahaha.......... hebaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttt
anjrit gw hebat.

dan yg lbih hebatnya lgi lama 2 bln or 3 bln ini, gw cma masuk 12 hari di setiap bulan.
haghaghag,,,.... tpi gajinya tu bagusss... yah lumayan lahhhhh buat makan nasi padang :)

tau ah...

too damn tired to write much

c u later

it's been too long since i stucked in this delirium.

yesterday i was in luv, today not in luv, later? dunno..

Maybe it's bcos im heartless, i cant even know my real feelings towards sumone.

jadi..hmm...kmaren2 i thought that ada keanehan dlm hidup gw. Yah, yg berhubungan ma this heartless thing, dan ternyata keanehan yg enjoyable itu semu. duh,.. karena keanehan yg sbenernya bru aja dimulai malam tadi. havent sleep from nite until now, thinking about last nite. ah.. a fckin torchering wonderful nite [halah..].. damn, it's kiling me!!

hmmph...capek rasanya klo hrus terus2an nge-stuck dlm absurditas ini.tapi ga mau brenti juga. duh..gmana sih? gmana dunk? gmana yah? hahahaha... goblok.hiahahaha,... dbawa santaiiiiiiiiiiiiii.... pastinya siiiih... tpi teteppppp...!! ada aja bagian paniknya, bagian tegangnya, bagian dodolnya. tau ah...i am scaredddddddd... scared of this, scared of him. scared of what i felt. scared of what im feeling. scared of what i will feel. la .. la .. la .. am i less heartless now? i might be..yea..that is interesting..hohoho.... bcos i know it's only a matter of time til u walk out. hmmm...

damn..!! why do u have to be so mean ???!!

damn..!! why do u have to be so devilish ???!!

damn..!!

why do u have to be so lovable, darling...??

wat's wit today ya?
so many nu people come...

seneng sih seneng....
hahaha..

yaaaaaaaaah......... making my life more colorful lah!!

thank GOD......

no one walks out of my life, but instead i got lotss of nu people coming in.....

niii....some of the photos....

me and my luvly autisic pal.. hahaha.... cowok yg paling cantik dan bodoh dan autis yg pernah ku temui!!!! hahahaha [pisss yoooo!!!]

me and my sister-in-law... and also my good friend!! [luv u, mitchie]

aku dan febry yg super besaaaaaar...!!!!!

hahahahahaha

dari kiri ke kanan :

Febry, ayub, uban dan aku..!!!!

just got home dari rmh spupu jauh [jauh bgt kyknya], krn dia mau nikah.
jdi klo di adat bugis, malam sbelum akad nikah tuh ada ritual adat gtu namanya mappacing.
jdi kyk khataman Quran gtu, trus ada ritual2 aneh dgn henna dan beras dan entah apa lagi. yaaa... pokoknya gtu deh.. ribet2..tpi yg penting sih byk makanan!!!!!
hohohoho.. teteppp...makanan no.1..!!!

krn madam and papa ndak dateng, jadi gw yg hrs ngewakilin mereka. Trusss..gw tau bgt ga akan byk yg gw knal dsana [gw agak isolate ma kumpulan sodara jauh itu], ya udh lah drpd ntar bengong sana bengong sini, gw ajak aja si uban... rekan autisqu tersayang :)
jadilah berangkat brg mitchi [my sis-in-law], ka acil, uban, om thalib [papanya ayub] and si pelengkap keceriaan my luvly cousin ayub. haghag... niat2 bgt pgn bikin heboh. sok2an bgt yg sok eksis pdhl dikenal jga engga [ayub and uban, not me!! halah..teteppp!].

trus trus trus... stelan udh sok famous bgt deh. gw pake kbaya + jins [krn kaen batiknya udh ga muat!!] trus si uban pake batik lengan panjang eh... ga sinkron dah si ayub malah pake kaos NOFX [yg gw taksir bgt!] plus clana jins coklat..ah...rockers dah! dodol emang tu cousin tersayang. ga matching ah ma dandanan gw dan uban..but it's okay, we're still good. we look alrite still. hahahaha..
dsana ktemu ma spupu deket...namanya febry...and u kow wat?? dia membesar skaliiiiiii......ku dibuat kaget oleh perubahan itu. dan dia jga kaget ngeliat gw yg katanya membesar skaliiii [juga]. huehehehehe....snangnya ada yg bilang gw gendut!!! hohoho...konyol ga sih?saat smua wanita takut gendut, gw malah yg tryin real hard to a fat whore!!! huehehehehehehehe...dont laugh!!! wat's ur ffckin problem eh?? [lho ko jdi nyolot??]

hm...sbenernya tujuan utama dateng adalah demi makanan yg melimpah dan dsana emang melimpah bgt makanan,,tumpah ruah dah pokoknya!!! ampe kekenyangan gw skarang! and tujuan utama kdua adalah mencari pemandangan yg indah skaligus nyari objek penjalangan yg baru. duh duh duh... tpi gw harus kecewa. krn... aaaargggh.... tak ada cowo2 yg mnawan dsana... lecek2 smuaaaaaa!!!! kayak udh dicuci berulang2 kali tpi ga pernah di setrika! nah..kbayang kan gmn leceknya?????? uuuuuh...... poor me :(

trus untungnya msh ada mood buat poto2.
dan kaget bgt gw.... ternyata muka gw gendut bgt kyk babi...!! huehehehehe...lucu dan aneh at the same time... tapiii... tetep ko.. gw oke!! hahahahaha

duh...tdi gw mo coba upload disini... tpi kyknya connectionnya lgi having a ffckin problem, jdi malah error... aaargggh... menyebalkan!!

gonna try to post them later, okay?

well..dunno wat to write anymore.
xcept... aaaaaah... miss my 80% so damn much. and why..? i cant love him? no matter how hard i tried, i just cant :(

i thought i luv him... but i guess that was just a mistake... hahahaha....

tpi msh tetep dunk ahhhhhhhhhhhh....!!!!!

numero #1 j.a.L.a.N.k !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that is one thing that will never changed.......

wow...

cma blg satu kata aja.... tpi binun mw blg apa ya?

wow???

tau ahhhhhhhhh.....

tpi yah, i feel so ffckin relieved.

skrg udh tw rasanya gmn.

rasa apaan siiih?????????

apa yaaaa????

hohohohohohohohoho

for ffck's sake.....

i am in LOVE...!!!!!!

whaaaaaaaaaaat????????

hiahahahahahhahaa

blm yakin bgt sih klo yg gw rasain ini adalah "hal busuk" itu, tpi yah...it seems like it is. and u know what? never been sure than before, until he said the same thing. yea.. for all these times, dia yg slalu menghindari kata-kata "busuk" itu. and when he said that, i do feel happy, and relieved, and i think i felt the same. or maybe it's just an euphoria? feeling somewhat in love just bcos i knew that someone that i had-crush-with is in love with me? ah..i dun care, i love the feeling, and enjoy it sooooo much. oh, darling........... i am so ffcked up... hahahahahhaha..............

i've always said to many people who were in love with me

"r u trying to tell me that u love me?"

"well..no...yes...no... i mean i dun know"

"how come u said that u dun know?"

"i dun know! i lost my appetite when u're not here, i got this weird feeling in my stomach every time i see u around"

"ooo..no..no... u got butterflies in ur stomach!! and u know what? butterflies go to be killed!!!"

[haghag..quoting from blair's from gossip girl statement!!]

and ffck... i am feeling that now! i got a whole bunch f butterflies in my stomach, and the worst thing is... those butterflies got very active every time i think of hime or hearing his voice! aaah.... lame.... and what will those butterflies do when i meet him??????

unimaginable imagination... halag,,, kata2nya tai banget..!!!

du...du...du...

kacau duniakuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!

hahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

gila gw!!!! gila!!! gila!!! gilaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

keanehan berantai [apa ssehh??!] telah terjadiiiiiiiiiiiiii.......................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sbenernya ini hal yg lucu.
atau aib yah?? dugh ga ngerti deh gw

jadi gini, my period [a.k.a MENS] usually starts between 31st to 2nd.
and suddenly, tanggal 25 ko gw udh having my period yah?
krn stress kah? spertinya masuk akal...

pantesan aja beberapa hari kebelakang gw tuh yg BIRAHI bangeeeeeedh!!! haghaghag
pengen nge-ffck aja kerjaannya, dan yg menyedihkan, hasrat itu blm terpenuhi!!!
sialaaaaaaaaan
bukan krn ga ada objek [duhh.....] tpi krn gw lgi ngidam ma seseorang.
yaaah....... ternyata....... ngidam bgd gw ma dia!
and it was so relieving knowing that i'm in lust wit him. [njed, ternyata gw BLUM jato cinta ma diia...!]
pengeeeeeeen bgt ngeswe [idiiih,...bahasanyaaaa!!!!]

tau ahhh,..... dan slama fase ke-HORNY-an gw yg xtreme itu.... spertinya byk skali hal2 yg gw lakuin tpi gw ga sadar dan ga inget klo ngelakuin itu.
apa coba??
gini, tadi siang.....
pas lagi dirumah spupu2 gw tersayang, gw mw ganti pembalut,.
then gw kaget.
ko ni jemb*t [haghaghag] tiba2 udh cepak aja????!!!!
pdhl takir kali yg gw inget, blm se-cepak ini. [havent wax it for like 2 months???!!]
kaget aja gw, ko bisa tiba2 cepak yah?
did i shave them unconsciously?????
masa sih bsa lupa?
sdgkn gw yg udh sober bgt!!! [didnt drink, didnt swallow any drugs]
so gmn bsa ampe skip gtu???

tau ahhhhhhhh
satu keanehan yang patut dicari penjelasan logisnya.

bingung gw... sumpahhhhh
bingung bingung bingung....!!!!!

jadi jalank goblok kyknya gw skrg.

haghaghag
aneh!!!

tu judul bkn dlm artian sbenernya loh.
[klo bnrn pgn mkn tai, aah...tolol dunk gw!!]
cma emg these days were so ffckin sssuckkks!!!!!!
binun mw lampiasin ke apa atw ke mana. nda mgkin jga mabok2an gtu. dugh...kyk yg udh out of date bgdh.[macam abg ja plarian nya mabok..]
akirnya...
gw potong rambut.
just for info... sebelumnya [msh dlm bln juni] ada kali gw ngegunting rambut gw ampe 5 atw 6 kali.
ya poni lah [3x, potong sebawah alis, trus potong dibikin miring trus potong lgi se-alis] trus rmbut daerah deket kuping dipendekin, trus ganti ngeratain ujung2 rambut
[dan mayan byk jga motongnya].
dan skrg... haghaghaghag.... poni udh jauuuuuh diatas alis, rambut smakin pendek dan modelnya skrg udh brantakan.

klo kata madam mah "itu rambut kyk ga prnh disetrika!!!"

"heee???? madam pikir rambut gw baju apaah??!!"

"iyee...lecek !!!"

tugh.. kesian bgd yak gw?
emak gw sndiri aja ampe bilang gtu...

trusss... ada masalah lagi...
badan gw makin membesar sajaaah...
dugh... bknnya gw takut gemuk atw gendut,...
tapi baju2 gw udh pada mlai mengetat dan menyempit... uggghhh
dan perut lucuku ini makin membuncit dgn indahnya [assssiiikkk!!!] dan akibatnya clana2 mulai kudu dpaksain biar muat, dan akibatnya gw jadi agak sesek aja... ughhh...
udh gtu ni pantat jga mulai xtreme..aaah,,... mulai ga balance dah,...
dan herannya...
dgn pembengkakan badan gw ini, ko toket [yg emg dr awalnya agak rata] mlh mulai smakin merata yahhh????
dugh..dugh... makin lucu sih [mnurut gw!! scara gw NARSIS!!]
cumaaaaa... kok jdi ga balance bgt kliatannya.
prut ma toket balapan dan hebatnya prut gw yg nyampe finish dluan... haghaghag...
krn nda ada budget buat blanja, jadii kaos2nya madam gw bajak aja,,,, dan kaosnya gede2 smua and akirnya gw sadar dan pasrah, mulai saat ini, gw hrs memakai kaos2 gombrong nan kdodoran.. biarkan saja,... toh nanti pada akirnya akan menjadi trend [sok2an trendsetter bgd gw..!!]
ya gaaa????
tau ahhhh......

blm lgi mslh dgn tmen2,
trus mslh ma emosi gw
trus mslh dgn hati gw., yg tdinya udh mulai ada bykan dikit, eh skrg malah kena erosi trusss abisssssss dan hanyutttt... ilang lgi hatiku... pdhl susah loh mereproduksi hati..

yahhh itulah.... hidupkuuuuuuuuuuuu...
pengen ngegaruk aspal tpi ntar kuku gw yg indah berkuteks mlh jdi rusak.
pengen bunuh diri, tpi gw ga sedepresi itu.
pengen mabok, tpi ga kpengen [lho??gmn tu yah mksdnya??]
ya dah deh... pengen makan tai aja.... hiahahaha

ada yg mo ikutan???

take it........ take my 20%....

leave me nothing

take my 20%

leave me with nothing,.

cos u already took away my 80%

and now..

take my 20%

i beg.. i kneel..


and leave me with nothing

ngahahahaha...

judulnya tae bgt ya.
yarin ah,,.. biar kyk yg seru gitu.

hoho.. anyway, whose heart that bein pink-painted?? mine??? no..no..no..
ga seru yah, klo bukan hati gw yg jadi pink.
ngarep sih gw [bangettt!!] klo hati gw akirnya jadi pink.
ugh, tpi susah bgt.
walopun ada seseorang yg menganggap saya punya hati dan tidak menganggap saya seorang jalank. tapiiiii..... ahhhh... tau...
he said "jgn sebut jalank lagi ah, bagi saya kmu bukan jalank"
dan ku respons apa coba???
ku jawab dgn bodohnya "aah, masa?"
krn speechless aja... ko msh ada yah org yg nganggep saya bkn jalank.??!!
and that makes him sooo..... special [hiahaha] and i wish i could pink-ed my heart... damn...!!!!!

i want hiiiim...!!!!! badly...!!!! [aarggh...akirnya ngaku jga gw!!!! ga tahan, sob!]

HAHAHAHAHAHA

remember yah... i want him. not love him. coba dicerna baik2 kalimatnya.

i want him..!! i want him..!!

mengapa oh mengapa....... cabulitasku menggebu bila mengingat dirimu????????

knapa siiih..... saat kejalangan saya pada titik puncak [thd dirimu]. kmu mlh bilang saya bukan jalank?

knapaaaaaaaaa?????????

slalu aja otak kotor yg pegang dominansi atas sgala sesuatu yg berhubungan ma kmu.
uuugh............
apa iya...??
kmu adalah makhluk berkuping lancip, bertanduk dan berekor trisula yg diciptakan untukku???????
apa iyaaaaaaaaa????????

btw, adakah iblis yg tidak merokok dan tidak minum alkohol.....???????

uh....damn...!!!
ternyata kesialan gw ga brenti ampe kasus anjing bdebah itu. kudu ditambah dengan red period... huhuhuhu.... sial... krn ko tumbenan perut gw agak krasa mlilit, pdhl klo mens, gw paling jarang [hampir ga pernah] sakit perut. ughhh.....menyebalkan....trus tadi start dari pagi ampe malam ini ni betis nyut2an banget...!!!! aduuuuuuugh............... help meeeeeee!!!! ffffuckkkk.... gw mulai desperate.
capek!!! ni m***k gw jga rasanya puegelllll bangedh.... mengeluarkan darah terus mnerus, tembus sana tembus sini, ngabis2in pembalut...... pemborosan besar2an...!! susah emang jadi cewek, kudu ada waktu tiap bulan untuk merelakan kenyamanan kewanitaan dgn membiarkan m***k gw disumpel kapas gepeng yg aneh dan mnarik tpi menyebalkan...dan penderitaan lainnya ada lagiiiii....u know wat?????!!!!!!! roko abiiissssh trus ga ada duit speser pun untuk beli roko walopun cuma sbatang. haghag!! ni idup lagi indah2nya, krn byk bgt hal2 konyol tpi menyebalkan yg terjadi. tapiiiii..... sbagai seorang jalang, gw mah sbenernya ga annoyed bgt ma sikon skrg. paling emosi mledak2 ga keruan, tpi cma dalam waktu singkat ko. hiahahahahay.... ni bru idup warna/i kelabu yg kusukaaaaa. karenaaaaaa......... perutku makin buncit [thanks to lemak2 and mens yg membantu gw membuncit] daaaaan....... berat gw udh 47 kilo... hiahahahaha.... walopun ga da perbedaan signifikan pada postur bodi gw, tpi seneng bangedh liat angka di timbangan. yea...47 kg. dan lucunyaaaaa..... yg gemuk tuh cma perut gw aja. hiahahahahaha..... jdi ngebet bgt pengen pergi k kolam renang trus berendem. pasti gw bakal mirip bgt ma kudanil, yg doyan berendem ampe merem melek dan tentunya dengan perut yg menyembul keluar permukaan air... hohohoho.... anggap aja pelampung natural. wuiiiiih..... djijay bgt emang klo dbayangin, tpi srius deh..... indah loh perut gw...!!!!!! la.. la.. la.. im a fffuckin happy unlucky whore!!! and still numero #1 jalank....... haghag!!

BANGSAAAAAAAAT.........!!!!!! JAHANAAAAM....!!!! BEDEBAH......!!!!!!!

uhhhhhh................. knapaaaaaaaaaaaa?????????? dgn sembuhnya kaki gw dari insiden nyusruk di tangga, kebahagiaan itu hanya bertahan beberapa jam sajaaaaaaaaaaaa....

because u know what???????

u know wat d fffffffuckkkkk was just happened...????!!!!!!!!!!

gw digigit anjing!!!!!! ngehe!!!!!!! sialan.......!!!!! emang ga brasa pada awalnya... karena gigitan keiko jauh lebih sakit dbanding gigitan anjing sialan itu... tapi ternyataaaaaaaaaaa..... bangsathh...!!!! ada lobang kecil bekas aring dgn garis berwarna pink kemerahan plussssssss another memar sialan yg ternyata jauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh lebih biru dbanding memar nyusruk dr tangga!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh ma fffffuck...... sial bgt gw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jdi gini....... critanya.....

tdi gw berkeliaran sebentar, memuaskan diri krn sempet beberapa hari yg hampir dua minggu menjadi isolate, immobile dan impoten. trus mampir ngobrol ma temen di rumahnya yg notabene mempunyai anjing yg lucu bgt. gendut, gede, berbulu putih tebel. hiahahaha lucu dahhh........ trus tu anjing diiket kan, and gw ngobrol ma tmen gw di deket tu anjing yg bernama olin [nama sbenernya pauline dpanggil olin, najish sok imut!!!!] eh... tiba-tibaaaaaaaaaaa.... tu anjing nyaplok betis kiri gw dan diatas dengkul kanan gw. gw mah nyengir aja saat itu sambil ngomong "kok olin gigit akuuuu...? sambil nyengir. krn ga brasa sakit sama skali, man...!!!!

trus gw ke warteg and pas slese makan lgi ngroko dlu, gw ngeliat betis kiri gw, and.....????!!!! lukaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....!!!!!!!! anjing siaaaaaaaaalaaaaaaaaaan.....!!!!!!!!!

dugh padahal ga brasa sakit pas digigit, eh tau2nya...... memar and luka..... duhhhh....sik assssikkkk bangedh dah idup gw...!!!!!!!!! bginilah nasib seorang jalang...... haghag!!!!!

dan sekarang, luka dan memar yg tadinya ga sakit sama skali, mulai brasa nyut-nyutan.... aaaarggggghhhhh.............

anjinggggg sialaaaaaaaaaaaan.....!!!!!!! jahannaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam....!!!!! uuugh.........................................................

im a fffffucccckin unlucky whore!!!!!!!!

ayo kawan kawan...!!!!! tertawalah di atas penderitaan ku...... mumpung ada kesempatan....!!!!!!!!

holaaaaaaaa......

akirnyaaaaaa.....

kakiku sdh kembali [agak] normal!!!

ga perlu di bebat lagi.

ga perlu tertatih2 kyk granny klo jln.

suenaaaaaaang...!!!

tpi... memar2 nya msh ada... biru ungu menguning gtu. jijay deh ngeliatnya.
nyeremin. kyk korban penganiayaan gw.

terlepas dari pnampakan memar2 yg menjijaykan, tpi lega rasanya krn mobilitas ku akan kembali seperti smula.
yupsss.... high mobility...!!!

stelah beberapa hari [atau sminggu??] menjadi immobile, stuck, impotent, akhirnya smua penderitaan itu hilang!!!!!

yippeeeeeeeee....!!!!!!!!!

IRMAYANTHI MUIS

Mengandung Arti:

- Perasaan pada keadilan

- Jalan penghidupan yang tentram, merdeka, bahagia dan sempurna

- Bersemangat, berpengetahuan dan keindahan

- Sifat pengasih dan penyayang

- Kesempurnaan dan kebaikan

- Kesentausaan dan suka ilmu pengetahuan

- Sebuah surat

- Bengis, ketus dan kedukaan

- Kesedihan dan kekurang-sempurnaan

weekend is always being such a pain in d ass.
dunno why, mungkin emg gw dikutuk ampe kpn pun ga akan bsa mnikmati weekend.
tpi, masa iya dikutuk? bcos from the start i'v always hated weekend. jadi mungkin ini bkn kutukan yah, tapi sbuah sugesti diri yg muncul krn paradgima gw sdiri thd weekend itu yg udh jelek. well, terlepas dri ketidaksukaan gw thd weekend, emg hal2 yg menyebalkan kmungkinan besar terjadi di weekend. lgpl, kalo ga salah hari pertama mnurut sejarah tu hari minggu bukan? trus kenapa hari pertama merupakan hari libur?? hari libur uh kan identik dgn kesenangan, atau bermalas2an atw watever lah. Trus hari kedua itu senin, dan kenapa sgala macam kesibukan dimulai di hari kedua? bkn di hari pertama? rada2 ga bs gw terima.

enuff of those crap.

wat is exactly happening is.... i felt like not alive. ha. so lame and boring and makes me sick and i wanna puke. shit!!

ihh.... pokoknya kyk tai bgt dah. ga ngerti apa yg gw rasain hari ini dan kemaren. um... smalem sih lumayan, ngumpul2 ma anak2, trus blajar maen gitar [damn! susahhh!] trus untungnya dgn kebangkrutan gw yg parrraaahhh, ada ochool yg nraktir makan nasi uduk pecel ayam, trus dbliin marlboro putih pulaa. makasih ochool darling. u r my savior dah!!!!! soalnya makanan dan roko mrupakan faktor signifikan yg bisa uplift mood gw. smoga kebaikan mu dibalas berkali2 lipat. amiiin....... [ni doa yg tulus loh!]
terlepas dari segala macam kesenangan [semu] yg gw alamin smalem. dunno why, i felt so down. need a wake up. huh... the only one who can do that adalah si sonjed. tapi... sonjed sibugh bgt. gw udh sms minta ditelpon balik, tpi dia lgi ribet rembukan ma nyokapnya [bout the marriage thing, i guess]. i understood. emg ribet bgt pastinya. but.... i waited. and until now, he hasnt call me! damn, njed!!! i need u like hell now. ffffuck. help me. wake me up with ur rude words and that annoying voice.....!!!!!! uh.... fuck u! no!!! fuck me!!!
damn im so screwd.
and it's gettin worst. cos i miss my 80%. knowing that there's no chances to meet up. so i guess i'll be trapped in this awkward feeling for a while. uh... spertinya gw mulai kluar dr jalur. i think i started to use my tiny bit of my heart on this case. heartlessly [maybe] in luv. aarrrgh... tae!!!! tpi bkn brarti gw berhenti menjalang [pffiuh! thank Goat] krn klo ampe gw brenti menjalang, oh..damn. brarti keadaan gw udh kronis bgt. gawaaat... jgn sampe deh. to be honest, saat gw menjalang, slalu terpikir sekilas "it'll be nice if im wit my 80%". tuhhh... udah mulai kacau kan?? tolong doooooooooong..
kyknya byk bgt masalah saat ini, dan gw ga tau masalah2 itu apa aja, slaen kasus si 80%. and again............... dunno wadda ffuck should i do. ngepethhhhh......

good afternoon.

yea...it's saturday.
when everyone is cheering, and me, au contraire, whinning... ah.. lame.

i've always hated weekends.

tapi... hari sabtu ini diawali dgn hal yg bagus ko.
my geloutis partner [oeban] called, offering a breakfast. hiahahahaha..... tentu saja gw ga akan nolak. sarapan gituuuu. makanan gituuuu. gratis gituuuu. hiahahahahahaha.

me : allow [dgn suara "bantal"]

oeban : pagi,bu. lg ngapain?

me : baru banguuun...hoahm... knp,yank?

oeban : udah gulang-guling kmu?

me : ini sambil...

oeban : aku di SD, bu. lgi sarapan. kmu mau ksini ndak??

me : uh..ak bru bgt bgn, msh mau gulang-guling.

oeban : oh gtu, mau dibungkusin aja, bu?

me : waa.. mauuuu.. [dgn smangat bgt tp lsg pura2 lemes lgi..hihihi]

oeban : ya udh,bu. ntar aku bawain ksana yah.

me : ssippp. makasih sayank... [uuh..ada maunya!!!]


trus..akhirnya ku bangun lah. cuci muka, bla..bla..minu aer putih dlu, trus liat kiba [my dog], agak sedih lagi krn keinget keiko [R.i.P], trus oeban dateng deh. kukira mau mampir dlu, ternyata cma nganterin sarapan [BURGER!!!!!] trus dia lsg pulang. wah... namanya rejeki. Trimakasih Tuhan, atas sarapan pagi ini. Burgernya ueeeeenaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak.....!!! walaupun kurang bikin kenyang [wajar kan?] smestinya ditambah lagi mam indomie + telor 1/2 mateng + es teh susu. Wuiiiiiiiiiiih..... canggih berat tu kalo sarapan bgitu. [hoho..ga kurang rakus??!!]

dan sekarang dengan perut 1/2 kenyang, menyampah disini sambil dengerin lagunya 8 ball yg can't back again (in ambon manise). u should hear the song. agak2 gmn gtu. hehehehe. bkn lagu yg hingar-bingar ko. nice lah.

*******kmarin ngapain aja yah?*******

Pagi and siang, lame routines lah, as usual. trus sorean dikit kira2 jam 3an krumah spupuku si ayub. nganterin paket kiriman obat nya kak wawan [he's hep.C and TBC! paraah yak?] trus sekalian lah ngobrol2 dikit. jam 4an go back home. trus ngobrol2 ma mitchi, then ngajak kiba maen2 dan olahraga [kiba's having trouble with motoric coordination]. pas gtu kak acil pulang, ya udh ternyata dia lgi ada masalah trus ngobrol agak berat di kamarnya. Sebenernya dia udh mau crita and diskusi dri kemaren malem, tpi saat itu aku yg lagi sibuk telponan dari 1/2 12 ampe 1/2 3 pagii [panaaas tu kupiiing!] jadi dia ga jdi ngajak ngobrol deh [map y kakak, for being so selfish :-( map]. ya udah trus autis di depan komputer ampe2 i missed family's dinner time! uh.. keabisan makanan deh, trus lanjutin lgi autis pdhl perut keroncongan. kakak ku pergi latian pingpong, aku msh autis. then oeban nelp, mo maen ke rmh. ya udh ngobrol2 bentar d rumah, trus ku pergi ke rmh ardi. hiahahahahaha. menjalang dikiiiiiiiiiit [sumpah! cuma dikiiiiit! hohoho] trus perut makin keroncongan, eh kakak nel, dia udh di rmh. so i went back home. pada mau minum intisari [ka acil, ka ian, iwel] i'm out for it. yesh, sorry bro, count me out. nda ikut2an aku. back to autic time, nonton naruto [marathon 12 episode..ssippp!] ampe alcoholcity bubaran, aku msh sibuk nonton. trus dodol ku nelp. hehehe. seneng. trus lanjut lagi nonton ampe pagiiiiiiii. sbenernya ga mau bobo, tpi papa nyuru bobo dgn ngototnya. so, jadilah aku tidur jam 5an pagi. pffiuuh... cma sgitu aja. kinda lame yah? hihihihi

and here i am.
ready to start my saturday.

what's the plan for today, anyway?
hm... as usual, not making any plans.

he's a JERK..!! a stunning abuser..!! a DEVILISH man..!! i HATE him. he HATES me. he hates me for bein a BITCH. he hates me for bein so fckin HEARTLESS. he hates me so damn much til he wants to CUT MY THROAT. and i hate him too. i hate him like hell and i want to TAKE HIS HEART OUT and FED IT TO MY DOG..!! he RAPES me. he rapes EVERY INCH OF ME. and im bein a fckin CHEAP WHORE, and i took off my PRICE TAG. he got me for free.we hated each other til we CANT STOP THINKING bout each other. til we spent every nite awake just to find a fckin way TO KILL each other. he's so damn BRIMFUL of me as i fckin am too. oh..FUCK..!! that's the shit. yea.. we're so much in shit and we cant stand it until we got ourselves KILLED and TORN APART and SHED APART. ironic. this is just a SARCASTIC LOVE. nothin more.

heartlessly in love, a sarcastic love

crita tentang seorang wanita.

cantik...? ah... sepertinya tidak.

tinggi semampai...? ah... tidaak.

putih...? ah... cenderung gelap.

hohoho. makin kejaaam.
tapi ini menarik lho!

dia itu pendek [lebih pendek dari aku!]
bayangkan.. mulai sekarang.. bayangkan.
hitam [or coklat tua bgt!] dengan tekstur kulit yang bisa dibilang tidak lembab dan tidak halus dan tidak mulus.
dan betisnya... besaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar skaliiiiiiiiiiii....!!!!
hiahahahahaha.

udah kbayang kan lucunya gmana???

well... itu belum cukup.

kalo diperhatiin, tampangnya tuh ternyata lumayan parrraah...
wajah bulet dengan bibir kecil yang monyong, trus idung pesek yang mencuat ke atas, plus mata sayu yang tidak bagus.

hohohoho.

satu lagi yang extreme.
rambutnyaaaaaaaaa....!!!!!
super mengembang, 1/2 kribo + 1/4 kriting + 1/4 berombak dan menyatu sehingga membentuk suatu "shape" yg mirip dengan jamur.

ngahahahahahahahahaa........

im not bein dramatic and hyperbolic.

tapiii.... wanita itu tetangga ku, dan....
it's such a nitemare to see her everyday.

i call her si jamur.
hiahahahaha...
trus berubah menjadi mushroom's hair.

tapiii...
itu kan cma rambutnya,dan stelah diperhatiin.
secara keseluruhan dia emang mirip jamur.

so... that's when the nu nickname came.
HAIRY MUSHROOM

wkwkwkwkwk...

jamur berambut.... aaaaaaaaargh...... geliiiiiiiiii...... hihihihihihihihi

bangke!

ga da angin ga da ujan, tiba2 nyusruk aja gw di tangga
dgn posisi yg aneh pula.


how come gw yg lagi turun tangga bisa tiba2 nyusruk dgn bertumpu pada tulang kering gw?
jatoh yg aneh.... bneran deh....

yah... as the result for that fckin accident:
kaki kanan kiri sakit.
yah, yg parah sih kaki kanan gtu, ankle kudu dibebat gr2 sakit klo dipake napak, trus tulang kering and dengkul memar membiru, paha juga rada bengkak.

ya, no big deal sih, no broken bone or apa lah. tapi teteeeeeeppppp..... sakiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, sob!

hiahahahahahaha.........


jdi bingung klo gini, aktifitas penjalangan gw agak yg jadi tersendat malah hampir stuck.
krn immobilitas gw jga lgi tersendat.

i wonder, "posisi" apa yah yg tidak menyusahkan dgn keadaan gw yg skrg ini....???
soalnya, knowing for sure that i'll stay in this fckin immobile state for a while [a week or two, maybe..?!]
jadi masalah "posisi" itu hrs dicari solusi nya.

guys, help me dunk!!!!

ide dan saran nya gw tunggu yahhh.

and, fella..... klo mo ktawain gw, yah... sok atuh silahkan.....!!!!

tertawalah diatas penderitaan kuuuuuu....!!!!!!!!

a story goes, witout a time frame [always disoriented..!]

started like 3 days before 2nd of may.. [wat date was it? wat day?]
uhm.. my emotion kinda rushing, and it felt like it's gonna blow itself out..ah..ffck..am bein way too sensitive. rage..rage..rage..no seconds witout anger.and it was causeless anger..ffck..am screwed!!

umm..wait..i think i forgot sumthing.uh.. forget it.

lantas..spertinya..sbenernya smua keberantakan itu bermula dr sminggu yg lalu,kira2 tgl brapa ya? ah..ffck..males mikir.

so...as i continued bein a hell fckin mad chick, am dyin for a fckin gud ffck too..ha! but am not in 'too mood' for doin it. cos am so damn moodless!
it's funny, wit the 3 bfs i have now, none of them were available for a ffck.or in other case, the available one is the less interesting.
wat d ffck are they useful for...???!! nothing! ha...!

hihi..tapi toh.. stelah turbulensi-turbulensi yg memakan waktu dan tenaga yg tdk bsa dibilang tdk sdikit, i got my ffck.
but..still.. am dyingggg for a gud ffck!

then i met my #2. wit lots of flashing awful ideas 'wat to do wit him'.. uhm.. another whore[ish] thoughts. yea.. i hink i'll ffck'em. hiahia. i thought that it was gonna be a 'whore day', but... fffffffck!!!!
I GOT MY PERIOD
yesh, of course it was a gud thing knowing that am not pregnant [pfffiuh!!] after lots of useless paranoidoid and stupidoid time worried of bein havin living tiny mini creature inside my belly.
and of course it was a BAD...BAD.. thing too.. bcos there's no chances that i could taste d deliciousity of my #2.
aarggh... so fckin hectic.. co my carnal lust bein' suspended to become real for like 5 days...???!!
and anyway, how does it feel to see a delicious cake in front of you but you cant eat it..???!! fcked up, rite..??????
tpi tetep lah, darl.. positive thinking. if you cant eat it whole, icip-icip msh bsa khaaaaan....??? hohohohoho...
dan ku ingin mlumatnyaaaaaaa......!!!! hihihi...
uh..tpi msh ada hari esok... lusa... minggu depan... ya ga...??? waiting... for #2's next visit..
sabaaaaaaar........ sabaaaaaaaaaaar.....

dan kini darah itu mengalir...

nikmat...

sperti kerongkongan kering dan dahaga yg tersiram air dingin...

lega...

kurasakan aliran darah itu..

mnuju sbuah kapas tambalan yg siap menampung semua.

dan kini darah itu mengalir...

and i cant have my ffck

and i feel so fcked

cos i need a ffck like ffck

and ffffffck......

it's still flowin' ... on..and..on...

tha..tha

waaaaaaaa........

after uncountable [no,im not bein dramatic!] people [men n women] i've kissed
after hundreds [not bein dramatic!!!] of kisses
never in my life, not even once, i tasted lips like his........
uuuuuuuuuh.......
soft, smooth, jelloid.... arghh..... couldnt describe it precisely.
uh,... and im so shocked!
how could this kind of lips ever existed, n i just taste it @my 23????
and how could this rare lips were his?????
why his?????
damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

for ffck's sake, i admit it now, im addicted.

im being hysteric

im being loonatic

im being hectic

im being idiotic

wadugh... tersera mo pcaya taw tidak, tpiiiiiiii... ini nyataaaaaa !!!!!!!!!!
sriusan tu bibir langka bener!!!!
aargh..... sampe2 mo mencium lgi pun ku jadi ragu. takuuuuuuuut mrusak ke-langkaan-nya
hohohohoho...bner jadi yg gila gini, mampus saya.
jadi norak
jadi kempring

hiahahahaha.......... im a hysteric loonatic.
addicted to his rare lips.

smogaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa bibirnya tetep terjaga kelestariannya.
karena klo ada seseorang yg mrusak keindahan dan knikmatannya, 100% pasti kubantai,.
kan kukirim org itu ke alam lain dan tentunya scara perlahan dan penuh kekejian dan kelaknatan,.

oh ma goat....
cant stop thinking bout that lips.
bibir yg langka, yg nikmat, yg surgawi,. [najish gila bahasanya!!!!!]
hiahahahahaha

sperti candu yg membuat hasrat slalu merindu

aarghhhhhhhhh....
ffffffffffffffck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mau...mau...mau...mau...mau...mau...mau...mau...mau...mau...

gila...

gila...

gila...

hahahahahaha.....aaargggh...... najissssssssssssssssssshit... gw jadi kempring berat gini.uh......

"irma, knp loe?"

"ah, ga knp2"

"srius? ga knp2?"

"yesh, cuma gila aja dikit"

Cultivate your hunger,
before you idealize

Motivate your anger,
to make them all realize

Climbin' the mountain,
never coming down

Break into the contents,
never falling down

My knee is still shaking, like I was twelve
Sneaking out the classroom, by the backdoor
A man railed at me twice, though, but I didn't care
Waiting is wasting for people like me

Don't try to live so wise
Don't cry 'cause you're so right
Don't dry with fakes or fears
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end


You say, "Dreams are dreams"
"I ain't gonna play the fool, anymore"
You say, "'Cause I still got my soul"

Take your time, baby, your blood needs slowing down
Breach your soul to reach yourself before you gloom
Reflection of fear makes shadows of nothing

You still are blind, if you see a winding road
'Cause there's always a straight way to the point you see

Don't try to live so wise
Don't cry 'cause you're so right
Don't dry with fakes or fears'
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end


'Cause you will hate yourself in the end

wat's d deal?
um... am havin sum difficulties coping wit anything dat involvin emotion. but d problem is, everythin must come wit certain emotion. whether is it from me or sumone else's. that is the least thing i need. emotion. yesh. and u know wat????????? wat i need rite now is silentness. and.............................. it's so fuckin annoying dat everyone wont let me have my peace. i just want a lil time, in peace wit the absent of disturbance, for writing. but look wat i got? someone is watchin tv wit a fckin loud noise, and askin me this askin me that, hmmpf... cant they just keep their mouths shut for a while???????? um..well...dunno why am feelin so happy and so fcked up at the same time. need to organize. need to rearrange. haha. happy n fcked up. which one is dominant?
both! so... gonna need to arrange this state before one of the feeling become dominAnt. Yesss.... got to rearrange my messy happiness. will i be able? anyway, nowadays, i realized that i becoming a person wit sumwat high self-monitoring. hihihihi.... changing into a bad and ugly person. usually i dun ever give a damn about wat people think about me, wat i do, or evrything. but, why it's started to change? is it a good thing? or is it a bad thing? or is it a neutral thing? ha. crap! people changed, always changed. become good or bad, they're always change. but i'll never judge them for dat, even tho i'll grade them, but it's none of my concern to judge them or tellin them wat to do. and anyway, a bit confused here, now. i think i'm faking myself. witout any means to do it. it's sorta happened itself. or i might be forced to be sum1 else, forced by surroundings or the situation. and i hate it. i hate it and hate it more. bein is this kind of state makes me feel so miserable. but this miserableness causing a cute happy feeling. u know like, making me feel like wanna smile and in the same time thinkin how idiotic i am, but enjoying and proud of the idioticness. uh... feel like having butterflies inside my belly, and makes me wanna puke but dun want the butterflies to be vanished. let all the butterflies wander around, even tho they make me sick. conflicting. so wat's d point here? as usual. pointless. and im happy. and im fcked up. a happy life. a fcked up life. yesssssh... this is my messy happiness. and i know precisely now, that it needed no arrangement.

Rest In Peace

KEIKO

on

14th of May 2008

We love keiko so much, but God loves him more...

uhm...
after absent yg lama...
stelah blog sialan ini terlantar,,,
akirnya ada waktu jga buat nulis lagi.

and... dunno why... slama sbulan ga nulis, byk bgt masalah di idup ak.
lah? emg kpn saya ga pny masalah yah? hihihihi
tpi untungny walaupun beberapa masalah diadepin dgn emosi yg membludak, tpi tetep terselesaikan [untk sementara] tanpa memberikan efek signifikan [sperti turbulensi] thd diri saya.

tau ah...
jd aneh rasanya nulis di blog. soalnya kmaren2 nulisnya di log book.
hihihihi...

anyway.....
trimakasih Tuhan, hidup saya sudah kembali warnawarni dgn dominasi warna grey.
huiahahahahaha......

uh,,,

ya gitulah.

short review of my life until now

[family] fine

[pets] kiba is gud health and poor brain, and keiko is sick... hixs.. get well soon,keiko darl.

[friends] making neu ones now. leving the bad ones

[social life] not making any degradation, feel like i'm climbing up to the top [hell yea!]

[lovelife] wat's love? hohohoho..... still loveless bcos of the heartless

[job] msh mengabdi utk mningkatkan taraf kecerdasan bangsa [hiahia]

[emotion] mostly in a gud mood, and always up for a smooch [dsr jalang!!]

[perjalangan] huahahaha.... still numero #1 duuunk!!!!!


nah...itu dia........

ga ada yg beda kan?

still a colorful greyish life...... my life...... mine....


tha2 for now.

at last........
get rid of all the fckin trouble....

um.. i mean... get rid of him... hiahahaha

so, back again bein a single healthy happy fighter.
wit a neu task, of course....
gaining my weight back..... to 45.... or more.... 48, maybe...?

wish me luck...........
dun wanna trapped in this fckin normality for too long........


tha2...

dua hari yg lalu..... ada kjadian [tpi g tau ap], bneran ga tau knp atau ada apa, dan tiba2 turbulensi terjadi lagi.
blm parah sih, tpi udh brasa aja atmosfer kgilaannya.
annoyed bgt ma tu feeling.

trus...........
lg ngorek2 botol [bekas tempat vitamin E]
eh.....
i found an old 'stash'
busettt tu boti byk bgt!!!!
msh dlm kualitas yg baik.
trus.....
hmmm


sempet bingung
tenggak?enggak?tenggak?

aah....dripada jd "kambuh"
kutenggak lah kira 22 biji [atau brpa ya?]

ngahahahaah ga lama ngablo berat!!!!!
trus.............. si "b" nelp, berhubung gw ngablo brat and dy ngemeng terus, ya gw jadi males lah........
pr bgt dengerin orang berkicau.
trus akirnya gw bilang "ak lg bt, tpi g tau knp"

ehhh... di tutup loh telponnya
trus dy nelpon lagi trus gw diputusin

ngahaahhahahaahahaha......... ya udh putus.
dipikirnya gw akan begging2 gtu?
waw...thanks, but no.
never never never.

danhari ini stelah ktemu "b", untuk memperjelas status, eh........
ga tau dy ngomong apa.
krn abis tenggak lgi entah brapa.
dy ngomong apa gw jga ga ngerti, sampe saat...

him : "irma ku kmu mau makan?"

me : "irma ku???? enak aja luuuu!"

him : "ktnya tdi qta balikan lagi?"

duarrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!! kpn yah gw ngomong gtu?????
ngahahahahaahha..... kgk nyadar!!! skip abissssssssssssh

tpi y udh lah....
smenjak putus smalem, gw udh makin heartless dan jalang dri sbelumnya.
so.....
walaupun status single gw hanya bertahan 1 malam...
hmm....
gw tetep ngerasa sampe hari ini gw single tuuuuh!!!!


ngahahahaha!!!

ayoooooo................................

pendaftaran kembali dibukaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!