You give me bits and pieces
you tryna blame me when I don't even know the reason
I think It's Just the season,
maybe the month,
maybe the building
Now tell me what's the reason?
Stupid yo?
Looks are deceiving
so,cut the the crying,
cut the coughing,
cut the wheezing,Boy
Quit the blaming,
cut the naming,
cut the sleeping,Boy
I think you need some prayer,
Better call the deacon,Boy,
so, get your act right, Boy
or else we won't be speaking, Boy
so,what's it gonna be?
Freaky Freaky ...me and you?
or is it gonna be who blames who?
I'm tired of these things,
I'm tired of these scars
I'm think I'm gonna get me a drink,
I'll call you tomorrow


*quoted from aaliyah's we need a resolution, with little modification*

so, Boy .. do we need a resolution...??

terpana..
apa yang salah disini?
mengapa aku merasa seperti ini?

mengapa setiap kata - kata yang kau tuliskan membuat perasaan - perasaan aneh itu muncul.
aku tidak tau apa sebabnya
mengapa gerombolan perasaan itu mendatangiku
mereka datang berbondong - bondong dan tak satupun dari mereka yang aku kenali.
siapa mereka?
ku rasa aku cukup melimpah dengan berbagai macam perasaan,
benci? kasih? malu? keberanian? semua ku miliki.
bahkan bimbang, ragu, gundah pun ku punya.

tetapi ..
saat gerombolan perasaan itu mendekapku, semua terasa berbeda
ku merasa hilang sekaligus seperti terlahir kembali

ku menikmati sensasi itu, walaupun rasa takut senantiasa mendampingi.

apa yang kau lakukan?
mengapa kalimat demi kalimat yang kau rangkai, kata demi kata yang kau untai, huruf demi huruf yang kau bingkai membuat ku merasa seperti ini?
apakah memang mereka mampu berbuat seperti itu atau kah karena mereka dilahirkan olehmu?

tolong aku.. jangan biarkan mereka pergi
tetapi jaga aku jangan sampai mengenal mereka...
biarkan mereka menjadi perasaan asing bagi ku.

tolonglah..
aku jatuh cinta pada mereka ..
huruf - huruf yang kau bingkai
kata - kata yang kau untai
kalimat - kalimat yang kau rangkai

aku jatuh cinta pada apa yang kau tulis..

A dead loss, no songs
No fun, just glum
Lying next to someone
Don't mention the War
So don't question where we stand
Or where we fall
North, South, East where's best
If I head left
It turns out directionless
And needle point aside
I always find
Embroidery leaves me blind
'Cos I'm not too weary to rest
Since I noticed
Coming second best is close to ideal
What fools boredom breeds
So much to do
So many goldfish to feed
And paracetamol
I take them all
They line my stomach wall
With customary thirst
I search a water glass
But gin hits first
Oh don't believe the hype
Expectancy will always spoil a party
It's tourniquet by crochet
My waters break
Don't drive for pity's sake
'Cos I'm to weary to rest
Since I noticed
Coming second best
Is close to ideal

-catatonia-

This is a tale of two situationsMutual appreciationAway from narrow preconceptionAvoiding conflict hypertensionNon-phobic word aerobicThis was my domain'Til someone stole my name

You've got to tolerateAll those people that you hateI'm not in love with youBut I won't hold that against you ...

So tired of feeling blue such a heavy weight on youSo shake it off and make your wayTo somewhere different, to somewhere differentOh now you're leaving me, oh what will you do?All alone in the big bad world but I'm not worried, no'Cause you're gonna skip along quite merrily babyYou're gonna revel in hating what's going onAnd you're like a sugar bomb and no harm will comeNo harm will come if you just skip alongActing oblivious comes natural to usKeep smiling knowing all the while the world will fall apartThe world will fall apartSo we're gonna skip along quite merrily babyWe're gonna revel in hating what's going onAnd you're like a sugar bomb and no harm will comeNo harm will come if we just skip alongWouldn't it be lovely to be home, home?Safe and sound with no one roundTo bring us down but that's so far awaySo I'm gonna skip along quite merrily babyI'm gonna revel in hating and what's going onAnd I'm like a sugar bomb and no harm will comeNo harm will come if I just skip alongYeah, we're gonna skip along quite merrily babyWe're gonna revel in hating what's going onAnd you're like a sugar bomb, bomb, bomb and no harm will comeNo harm will come if we just skip alongSkip along, skip alongNo harm will come if we just skip along
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This was started on Saturday..

rutinitas seperti biasa, bangun tidur then siap2 brkt ke kantor.
di kantor pun tidak ada sesuatu yg spesial, bekerja seperti biasa.
Interview para kandidat, bikin summary, dll.
dan ada yg agak spesial sih, entah kenapa tiba-tiba keinget East 17 dan gue download lah lagunyaaa.... seneeeeeeng bgt pas pertama kali dengerin tu laguu...
tiba-tiba yang whooossssh-whoooooosh... snapped here and snapped there,,,,
hehe.. berlebihan banget ga sih?
tapi sumpah ya.. kangen bgt tu lagu.. ampe diputer berulang-ulang tu lagu ampe gue 1/2 hapal matiii..
oke... enough about the song...
slanjutnya critanya gue mw blanja beberapa hal.. eymmm... obat kutu nya si abel trus baju batik (ya secara udh hampir dua bulan gue kerja, and stiap jumat slalu pake batik yang samaaaa!!!) errr...

trus batal lah smua rencana itu, karena ardi ngajak ke rmh willy, yg notabene abis wisuda and bikin selametan dirumahnya...
oke... dari kampung mlayu mluncur ke otista terusssss ke beji depok.. wakwawww jauuuu jugaaaa yaaa... gosong deh dengkul betis dan lain2nya... fanaaaaasssh coyy!!

Gurihnya jln siang-siang sambil ngerasain klaperan,, kroncong kroncong...
nah pas dket2 setu babakan, tiba2 si ardi bilang "waah.... empal gentong"
eitssssssss....weideminit... Empal gentong??!!!
stop, puter balikkk masssssssss....... aku mau makan empal gentong!!!!
wewww... gila deh... udah skitar 5 thn or lebih mengidam empal gentong yang di kantin Alz, tiba2 ktemu ga sengaja??
well... hayo makannn...
enak juga ternyataaaa!!! alhamdulillah,,,,

lanjut lagi melaju mnuju rumah willy...
ardi nanya " seneng ga kamu?"
gue jawab " iyaaa, seneeeeeng bangeeettt... alhamdulillah ya Allah"

trus gue berdoa " Ya Allah, makasih ya empal gentongnya, sudah 5 thn aku mengidam, sekarang tinggal kembang tahu nya.. alhamdulillah, makasih Ya Allah"

kata ardi "emang manusia ya..ga prnh puas.. ada empal gentong skrg kembang tahu. udh gitu kok doanya gitu 'tinggal kembang tahu nya' ? kyk udh pasti ajaaaa!! mestinya bilang smoga ada kembang tahu, gitu"
gue jawab "yaaa... biarin !! yang penting yakin ajaaaaaaa"
dalem hati tetep ngebayangin kembang tahu tiada henti, bukannya ga bersyukur, tapi namanya kpengen trus doyan.. gmn dunk?hehehehe....

nyampe rmh willy yg ternyata rame bgt ma sodara2nya...
nungguin uban yg ternyata dateng ma ceweknya,,,
ngobrol2 duduk ngemil2 ktawa2 di jln dpn rmhnya dibawah pohon.. trusss

ardi : "irma!!!"

kaget gue, eh tau2 nya .... ada abang kembang tahu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my ffffffckin GOD (ehhh,,,,,, oh my Dearest GOD!!!!)

shocked!!!!! gue shocked, kaget, dll dsb...

ardi pun mukanya lucuuuuuuuuuuuuuu bangetttttttttttttttttttttt...


ahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

"alhamdulillah ya Allah... kembang tahu ku!!!!!"
gue lsg minta mangkok................
jadi lah makan kembang tahu yang nikmaaaaaaaaat bangettt...

and believe it or not. doa gue dikabulin dalam rentang kurang dari sejam...

hehehe...

sulit dipercaya bukan.. but it was damn real...

all u have to do is HAVE FAITH....


tha2

Completely make me ... Speechless..

Those eyes..
That smile..
Those ugly faces u did..

Makes me feel like wanna hug u forever..
Makes me feel like giving up everything to make u happy..
Makes me feel like I am so worthy and precious..

You make me feel always in love..
Until now..

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Have you heard of the saying
For those who were playing
You don't know what you got till its gone

Well that was my calling
I knew what I was falling into
something that would be so wrong

But I got hold of myself
And changed for the better
I can't get you out of my mind
Cause something inside
made me realize you were fine

Chorus:
Each time we were alone
I guess I didn't know
How far we were apart
Should have spoken from heart
I guess I didn't know
That each time you go away,I cry
I can't take all these goodbyes

I know from this feeling
Deep inside there's a healing
I know that i'm in control

Everyday I am yearning
This love I feel burning
Burning right through my soul

So let's make a start
Of something that cannot be broken
The mold its so strong

Treat this love as a child
That grows into something worth while

Chorus

Deep love's so deep
Deep love's so deep, yea
I can't take all these goodbyes

Faithfully, I will be
You will see, please believe me
I can't take all these goodbyes

Chorus

All the time we were alone
Guess I should have really known
Baby you have always been mine
All the time we were alone
Guess I should have really known
Baby you have always been mine

Efek intisari ini membuat sdikit repot..
Dengan jumping thoughts yang mnjadi berlipat ganda membuat ku ingin menumpahkan semuanya..
Tpi blurred sight dan jempol tgn yang krg bsa diajak kerja sama, membuat rencana penumpahan ini jadi smakin berat..

Btw,stlh dpikir2 dalam usia segini pasti byk yg udh dpt kerjaan yang mantap..

Well.. Suddenly losing my jumping thoughts..
I wonder why..
And I can't continue writing..

Enuff for now :)
Tha2

Inget Tuhan itu ada
Tuhan itu nyata..

Kalaupun kalian tak percaya Tuhan, ingatlah kalau Alam memegang kendali.

Hidup ini balance..
Segala sesuatu selalu berpasangan

Dalam setiap perbuatan ada ganjaran nya.

Apalah gunanya memperbincangkan hal2 yg tidak berguna?
Yang malah menambah dosa?
Yang malah melapangkan jalan bagi kesusahan?
Yang malah membuat kalian semakin bodoh?

Orang bilang
"hidup adalah pembelajaran"

Seharusnya hal itu membuat kita berpikir..

Mungkin saat kehidupan dibuat susah, kita diajarkan untuk menjadi kuat.

Mungkin saat melihat hidup orang susah, kita diberi kesempatan untuk berbuat baik.

Yakinlah setiap perbuatan akan memberikan hasil di masa depan..

Tiada orang bijak yang lahir dri kehidupan yang mudah..
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Help help..

Ya ampuuun.. Tumbenan deh period kali ini banyak keluhan dan penderitaan..

Yg paling menyiksa adalah pegal2 dari paha ampe ujung jempol kaki.. Awwww...

Sumpyaaaahhh!!! Sampyaaaaah bgt nekh rasanyaaaa...

Adu duuu mamaaaaa...
Cariin tukang pijett, mrana putri mu iniiiiikh..

Niii nyamuuuk juga udh kayak kucing (not kyk anjing cos I luv dogs!!) .. Maen nemplok nemplok ngisep darahh tanpa permisi bikin bentol tanpa rasa bersalah..

Pegellll...
Eh eh eh.. Waideminit.. Kok? Kok perut krasa kraaaaam..??!!!
Errrrgh.. Kamfretttts..

Oh lord.. This is not the kind of saturday nite that I've expected,.
Be nice,pleaseeeeee.....

*cry cry*

Ah..crappy craps .. Shitty shits ..

Period is suxxxxxxxssss !!!!!!!!!
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tidur yang amat sangat tidak nyenyak tidak membuat ku hilang semangat untuk bekerja, even mood nya sdikit balau tetapi semua itu bisa dihilangkan sedikit demi sedikit ... memutuskan utk drown in pink today, tpi akhirnya cuma pake blouse pink and clana yg ada garis2 pink nya sdikit, hitam tetap mendominasi.. tapi chic lahhhhh..

tapiiiii sekarang,,,,,,,,, aaah,,, dear Saturday.. please be nice to me..
jangan jahat jahat yaaaaahhhh

lagi ga ada kapasitas niih,,
gue lemah, gue lemah...

kenapa sih?
gak knapa2..

jangan takut, cuma sebentar kok lemahnya,,, i just need a bit comfort, and i will soon back to the tough me...

believe it or not.. im gonna thru this easily *sigh*

suddenly makin yakin harus full strength ngadepin bln maret.

Dengan expenses yg akan membengkak bgt dan ga bisa di press krn smua nya bersifat urgensi, dtambah lagi dengan permasalahan lain.

It's not about love thing, tpi nyerempet dikit siih..
Well, after a big cut-off time, skrg bneran hrus memikirkan kmungkinan (yg sudah pasti) utk pisah.
It's damn hard pastinya..
Even tho there's still a commitment that we hold..
Tapi, changing routines and habit itu ga gampang kan?
Wlpn udh byk yg berubah, still it won't be easy.

Actually..I'm afraid..
takut klo nantinya trnyata I'm doin better without him,
takut klo nantinya trnyata I feel more comfortable without him,
takut klo nantinya I don't need him anymore..

Takut..

Konyol memang..

Tapi rasa takut itu wajar bukan..?
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Padanya..
"Ya"

Walau kurasa berat mengucapkannya..
Walau ku tahu hatiku tak setuju..
Walau ku harus berbohong..

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After few decades (ah..please), urmm..few days actually.. My stormy mood ends..
But this is the most dangerous time, the calm after the storm.
Just like reality, storm ruins everything, and after ended.. It will be calm.. Calm like nothing existed..
No life around, messed up nature and fcked up atmosphere..
Well.. Just like me now..
The stormy mood finally ends.. And it leaves me a moodless mood.. A soul-less soul.. A lifeless life.. A hopeless hope.. A sleepless sleep.. A loveless love..
And a mindless mind..

I'm gettin nuts..
Need medic ASAP .. Please.. Before I got hysterical attack

Tha2 for now..

If u have somekind of medical or unmedical cure, please do contact me

oh man.. it feels gud...
huehehehehehehhee

Setelah hari2 kerja yg melelahkan dan berharap supaya weekend cpt datang (pdhl gw bnci weekend,uh blame the hecticness!!), akhirnya sampailah pada hari sabtu.. And u know what? Weww..biasa aja rasanya malah cnderung membosankan.. Entah krn lack of things to do atw apa.. Tpi sucha lame person bgt yah gw? Ko weekend malah yg doing nothing.. Eymmm... Whatever deh!

Well,btw.. I am craving for a romantic saturday nite..yap dan statement barusan bkin gw sounds waaaaay so lame... Tapi gmn dunk.. Xixixixi.. Tpi ga mgkn juga having a romantic nite, he's not that kind of type..
Anehnya justru his un-romantic-ness makes him so romantic.. Heleeeeh.. Paseee??!!

Oiaaa...jdi ngerasa rude deh.. Skrg di depan gw ada si rina yg notabene tmen smp gw, trus dy gw cuekin aja gitu krn tiba2 gw kpengen nge-blog, walaupun tulisan gw juga yg ga penting and meaningless gitu..
Abisnya emg dr kmaren2 udh kangen bgt mw nulis, tpi dunno what to write..
Mw nulis yg srius tpi otak ga mampu, mw nulis yg ngaco tpi sense of humor gw lgi ga oke and idup spertinya lgi flat2 aja, ga ad momen yg cukup spesial utk diceritain..

Ah..ya udh lah.. Wanna burn a cig dulu..

Thank God..

Finally, everything seems better..

I finally found a lil ground to stand..

And being hurt feels not so scary anymore..

No happiness exists without pain,rite?

And it is acceptable now..
That behind every hurt, wounds and pain, my happiness is waiting for me..