my dear x-boyfriend.. oops.. my dear boyfriend..

i am here to make a confession.

before we make up, actually i already have ur childhood bestmate as my boyfirend.
but it's not like that i love him [i dont love u either, for info].
he's cute and all that,
and he is... like... what.. ur bestmate ??
so..
what could've been more fun than that fer a revenge?

dont be scared, honey [uh..]

he knew that i dont love him,
and still pushing me to accept him.

the mistakes arent on me, are they?

and suddenly, a week after my false-commitment

fer whore's sake!!
u wrote me a [fckin] love letter and u want me back!

oh..dear.. life is never much fun than now!
i guess the revenge is doubled.. yea?

so sorry, fcker.
a jerkass like u, will always be jerkass forever. [ha..what a cliche line]

and this is how i'm gonna do it.

i'll play a loving girlfriend [hopefully i wont need to puke all over]
until i get all my stuffs back [the 30million ring is the priority]
and hopefully this will do fast.
cos i cant stand another pathetic days with u [yesh, i mean it, fckr!]

after i have them all back, voila!
i'm gonna dump u back into the junkyard [cant find better word fer junkyard].

surely that time, u'll be useless for me.

u got no brains.
u got that not-cute-at-all face.
u are a lame sloppy kisser.
and
u were so sucks in bed.

now tell me.. why do i have to keep u?

and as fer ur bestmate
have no worry.
he got this cutie lips that i want to taste.
if he kisses less lame than u, then i'm gonna keep him for a while.
because.. u knoe what?
i dont need another sloppy kisser like u in my life.

so, that's it.
hopefully things will goin' on according to plan.
if it's not.
ah.. still have plan B, plan C, plan D, etc..

u see, the thing is.. someone like me will never be failed [go ask every whore in this world!]

i'll always win.. in many other ways..
fer the sakes of all sluts, and bitches and whore in this entire gawddamn globe, i was born to be a winner.

but u should proud of urself.
i mean..
who the fuck could ejaculate in fourteen seconds ?
or.. or..
three times in five minutes?

it's surely a great achievement if on those situation the girl also had her coming.

but sadly.. she hadn't. she never had.

hohohoho...
u r surely a huge disgrace along the men's population.
and a great failure in humankind.

There was a girl named "un-named"

she woke up @ 03:00 am
it was 'bout the time the nite ended
while the morning still yet to come.

she stepped down from her bed
and walk to the kitchen
with her foot wrapped up in 'green and red christmas-trees-printed-socks'

she made a cup of tea
then,
she took a glass and poured cold chocolate milk into it
"a half glass" she thought.
she looked @ the table
a cup of tea and a half-filled glass of cold chocolate milk were on it.
she poured the tea into the half-filled glass of cold chocolate milk.
smiled and said to herself " this'll do for now"
she took the glass and walked into the bathroom
Oh..how she loved holding the glass with her both hands.
feeling the cold-lower-part of the glass with her left palm
and the warm-upper-part of the glass with her right palm.

she filled the bath tub with warm water,
she sat on the closet,
drank the milky tea
and light a cig
inhale... exhale...

then she undressed herself
stepped into the tub
along with her 'green and red christmas-trees-printed-socks' still worn

"la..la..la..la..la..la..la"
she was humming a noteless song with a toneless voice
twisting a ring in her finger

"no shampoo, no bath gel for today" she reminded herself.

the water's getting cold.
stepped out the tub,
still with her 'green and red christmas-trees-printed-socks' on.

walked out from bathroom
naked..
with wrapped up foot in wet 'green and red christmas-trees-printed-socks'
the floors were all wet
the socks were to blame.

she wore her best dress
it was a summer dress
orange and pink summer dress
with spaghetti straps
empire line
and cute ruffles on the chest

she looked so beautiful
even with the wet 'green and red christmas-trees-printed-socks' still worn.

she stood in front of the mirror
she smiled
and pony-tailed her hair
with a white glittery scrunchy

it was already 05:00 am
she walked out to the balcony
she looked down
said to herself "right on time, luv"
when a white care was about to park right under her balcony.
she smiled when ther car is perfectly parked.

without hesitate,
she stepped over her balcony's railing.
and let herself fall down

"what a lovely breeze" she said.
"what a lovely morning" she thought.

and..
Crashed!!!!
she crashed right on top of the white car
with an awfully loud noise.

she smiled with blood flowing through her mouth and nose

she said for the last time with a breathless voice,
"and you will never forget me, my luv of my life"

the man inside the white car was awfully shocked
he hurried himself stepped out the car.

He choked..

he saw the girl that wears the same ring as he wore,

in a summer dress that he gave her on her birthday,

and a pair of wet 'green and red christmas-trees-printed-socks' that he bought for her after he had proposed her,

and a white glittery hair scrunchy that belongs to a woman that he once had affair with.

Mighty consciousness..

lend me a bit of yours

i'll be thankful if it's fer free

cos i can't afford to pay

dun hav money to spend

dun hav luck to gamble

dun hav dignity n pride to giv away

lend me a bit of consciousness. no. no. Lend me SOME.

no. no. no. dun lend. Giv!

yea. Gimme a bit. no. gimme sum. no. gimme much!!!

as much as u can. as much as u hav.

pleeez.

my mighty consciousness.

I love him,
I love him
I love him,
I love him
I love him,
I love him
I love him,
I love him
She loves him, she loves him

This time
She loves him, she loves him
I'm gonna keep it to myself
She loves him, she loves him She loves him, she loves him

This time
I'm gonna keep me all to myself

She loves him, she loves him

And he makes me want to hurt myself again

She loves him, she loves him She loves him, she loves him

And he makes me want to hand myself over

i can sense it something importantis about to happen it's coming upit takes courage to enjoy itthe hardcore and the gentlebig time sensualitywe just met and i know i'm a bit too intimatebut something is coming upand we're both includedit takes courage to enjoy it the hardcore and the gentlebig time sensualityi don't know my future after this weekendand i don't want toit takes courage to enjoy itthe hardcore and the gentle big time sensuality

there's sum weird feelings haunted me these days..
sum hopes, sum dreams.. sum impossibilities
sum awkwardness..
hopefully they wont float into the surface.
gonna keep it for myself for now.
no one's gonna know.
will it be? someday? be possible?
because..
it seems so promising.. so..ah.. dunno.. expectable..maybe.. so expectable.
or maybe.. it's just me? having the oh-so-great expectation?

listen to the waves
everything communicates
will it ever be
anything more..
than wishful thinking?

i ask myself over n over?
will it ever be anything more than wishful thinking?
ko jadi kyk yg depresi gitu yah?
ni bkn depresi, tapi berpikir.. berharap, andaikan.. bla..bla..
nothing is impossible, aite?
all i have to do now is.. wait..? or do a lil thing to show it..?
i need to know. u need to know. they need to know.

oh..no.. there u go
looked away
u missed the show
how much wasted time
will u survive?

tricky... tricky.. felt that? realized that? knew that?
was it that cold?
cos whether it was a "play dumb" thing or "dun hav any clue at all",
i still can't draw a conclusion from that.
ah.. wat a feckish state that i'm in.
entah lah.. akankah bertahan dgn semua kekonyolan ini?
aku? kamu? mereka?
seharusnya "ya".. tapi sampai kapan?
is dis the real me?. the real u?. the real them?.


oh yea.. fooled again
dunno why and i dunno when
not much else to blame
but wishful thinking

so..




i played more on the surface.
i see. it's gettin on the line.
hooked. like a fish. but still. cold. cold. hard as a stone.
hav a heart? or is it gone already? or is it someone else's?
bisakah merasakan a bit tingling feeling in ur stomach?
atau.. rapid heart beats?
does the heart beat? or is it already rotten long time ago?
but i wont gave up.
on me. on u. on them. on everyone.
because i need to feel alive
to feel me. to feel u. to feel them.
wanna blame my wishful thinking. but i can't.
beacuse i can only live from that.

Conflict..

yup.. ini cerita tentang konflik,.

bingung ak, knapa terkadang susah bgt untuk berpegang teguh pada komitmen.
walaupun udh segenap hati dan tenaga, sometimes ada aja hal kecil yg membuat semuanya jadi berantakan.
kalo udh kejadian kyk gitu, mesti ngumpulin semuanya yg pecah berkeping-keping, dan itu makan waktu banyak, tenaga yg banyak juga dan tentunya sakit hati yg banyak juga.

mungkin untuk itulah setan ada di sekitar kita, cuma terkadang.. mikir juga.. apa emang "setan yg diciptakan Tuhan" yg menggoda kita, atau "setan dlm diri kita" yg membuat semuanya berantakan.
terkadang sulit juga untuk meng-koneksikan antara setan yg menggoda manusia untuk berbuat dosa, dgn setan yg gentayangan atau nemplok di pohon. karena secara harfiah, keduanya disebut setan.
jadi rancu gitu, yg mana setan yg nyata? walaupun mereka juga blm bs dibilang nyata.
tapi yg jadi pertanyaan, yg mana sih yg disebut "setan yg sebenarnya"?

karena menurutku setan yg suka membisikkan "bujuk rayu untuk berdosa" di telinga kita itu sebenrnya gak ada. Itu mnurutku adalah "hasrat", dan krn sifat dasar manusia itu adalah "denial", yah mrk lebih nyaman untuk menyebut nya "setan".

iya gak sih?
krn yg mnakutkan adalah "setan-setan" yg tdk terlihat itu., dibanding kuntilanak 100 tahun yg gelantungan berayun-ayun di pohon mangga, atau pocong yg menyempil di gang kecil, atau makhluk2 kerdil yg berlarian di pinggir sungai.,