Ive crossed the deserts for miles
Swam water for time
Searching places to find
A piece of something to call mine (Im comin, Im comin)
A piece of something to call mine (Im comin comin closer to you)

Ran along many moors
Walked through many doors
The place where I wanna be
Is the place I can call mine (Im comin, Im comin)
Is the place I can call mine (Im comin comin closer to you)

Chorus
Im movin, Im comin
Can you hear what I hear?
Its calling you my dear out of reach
(take me to my beach)
I can hear it calling you
Im comin not drowning, swimming closer to you

Never been here before
Im intrigued, Im unsure
Im searching for more
Ive got something thats all mine (got something thats all mine)
Ive got something thats all mine (got something thats all mine)

Take me somewhere I can breathe
Ive got so much to see
This is where I want to be
In a place I can call mine (call mine)
In a place I can call mine (call mine)

Chorus
Im movin, Im comin
Can you hear what I hear?
Its calling you my dear out of reach
(take me to my beach)
I can hear it calling you
Im comin not drowning, swimming closer to you

Movin, comin, can you hear what I hear? (hear it out of reach)
I hear it calling you
Swimming closer to you

Many faces I have seen
Many places I have been
Walked the deserts, swam the shores (coming closer to you)
Many faces I have known
Many ways in which Ive grown
Movin closer on my own (coming closer to you)

Im movin, I feel it
Im comin, not drowning
Im movin, I feel it
Im comin, not drowning

ko potonya brantakan yahhh???

biarlah... pusing jga ngaturnya..
yg pnting ternyata ktemeu poto2 keiko di friendster (ooo maiii... FS???!!)

dan gw ud ga gtu sedih lgi...

 

 

  

hehe.. ive always hated weekends.. but u know what? the strange thing now is..
i learned to like weekend.. mmh... to exact is im tryin to be happy on weekend.

u see, lamount came up wit the term "hppy saturday".. every early saturday, he always texting me or saying "hppy saturday, darl".
at first i fet like wanna ppuke all over the floor..
but through time, im gettin used of that words.

hehe.. and now i just cant wait for weekend, just to hear those words.
hehehe... i know it's lame.

but dont worry, everything between us is always two ways.
i learned to like weekends, and he learned to LOVE monday... just like i do...

mmh.... the fact of me loving monday is way more strange and lame than waiting saturday to come, aite???

hehe...

happy saturday, fella

I'm hypnotized
By the beauty of the morning light
It draws me in and draws me out
And in the breeze I feel the life
Supping gently from my skin
Silence fills my head and everything
The water gently passes by
As I sit here mesmerized
I don't feel the way it drags me down
Across the waves I see a light
Shining golden in my path
Beauty fills my eyes and everything
Calling me
The beach song sings to me
I hear it calling me
Suicide can't bring me down
Your love can't turn around
Suicide can't take me
Suicide can't bring me down

wat's wit today ya?
so many nu people come...

seneng sih seneng....
hahaha..

yaaaaaaaaah......... making my life more colorful lah!!

thank GOD......

no one walks out of my life, but instead i got lotss of nu people coming in.....

take it........ take my 20%....

leave me nothing

take my 20%

leave me with nothing,.

cos u already took away my 80%

and now..

take my 20%

i beg.. i kneel..


and leave me with nothing

IRMAYANTHI MUIS

Mengandung Arti:

- Perasaan pada keadilan

- Jalan penghidupan yang tentram, merdeka, bahagia dan sempurna

- Bersemangat, berpengetahuan dan keindahan

- Sifat pengasih dan penyayang

- Kesempurnaan dan kebaikan

- Kesentausaan dan suka ilmu pengetahuan

- Sebuah surat

- Bengis, ketus dan kedukaan

- Kesedihan dan kekurang-sempurnaan

tdi dpt kunjungan tak terduga dari seseorang yg tinggal di palembang.
ngahahahaha,.... alin...... akirnya kau berkunjung juga yaaaaah.

thanks lah, buat ur visit wit ur friends yg ternyata,,,,... ngahahaha..... hebatttt!!!
bawa oleh2 pula, yg sdh lama tak kutemui...

trus... dlm keadaan yg teler ini.... hihihihiiiii
kpikiran sesuatu,
ah........ another 'topik-berat'.
yg spertinya [as usual] tak akan ditemukan jawabannya.

hmm... pikiran pertama.......... who am i? [ngahahahaha............. pertanyaan klise bgt!]
tpi bner loh... kpikiran....
i wonder, klo gw dikasih nama lain. apakah gw akan menjadi org yg beda?
then....... apakah jati diri itu emg udh ditetapkan sbelum gw lahir?
maksud gw, yah..... gw udh ditentuin lahir sbagai manusia,
ga bisa milih kan mau jadi binatang atau pohon ataw batu,dan yg lebih kurang signifikan dari itu, pnampilan fisik.
ya ga? kita ga bisa milih kan mau punya tampang yg kyk apa, entah mau idung yg mancung, atau rambut pirang atau tinggi atau gemuk... ya... shitty things like dat lah.
crucificial tpi we can do nothing except accept it.
is it fair enuf?
was it unreasonable dat i hadn't been allowed to have any say in wat i would look like?
mksd gw, yah, tampang udh dicetak dari sononya,.
it's not like i hate my face or body or something,
i luv being me, with every character i had and my physical appearance.
that's a grateful give from GOD, and as someone who has faith in GOD, i'm truly thankful for dat.
[i'm a narcist, so... wat's d matter?]

then, came a second thought....
'in some point, something must came from nothing'
hahahahahaa....
more pointless...
ya ga sih?
setiap sesuatu pasti ada permulaannya,.
tapi dari permulaan itu pasti juga bermula dari sesuatu,dan apakah mungkin ada sesuatu yg emg udh exist dari sananya?
mungkin ga?
ya balik lagi...
there must be something that came from nothing,
but was dat possible?
wasn't dat just as impossible as the idea dat the world had already existed?
tapi balik lagi ke masalah ke-Tuhan-an.
pasti Tuhan kan yg menciptakan dunia,
dala mstiap agama, dlm setiap kitab, hal itu udh tertulis dgn jelas.
dan tentunya pemikiran dominan di setiap org adalah : Tuhan yg menciptakan Alam semesta.
but wat about God Himself?
Had he created Himself out of nothing?
He created everything, he could create every things.
but he could hardly create himself [just my thought no offense please...] before he had a 'self' to create wit.

so.................. there only one conclusion to this things.
God must be had always existed.

yesh.... dat is the most logical thinking in sortof unlogical way.

auk ahhhhhhhhhhh

puyengggggggggggggggg.....

ngahahahahaha..... si jalang lagi nyari penyakit lagiiiii............

gonna awake the whole nite thinking and wondering about dis fuckin pointless answerless thought.

oh.... damn!!!!!!

ngahaahahahahahahahahaaaaa

ga penting tu judulnya, dgn 'kata yg lumayan ga bisa dibilang ga ribet' [meaning??!]

anyway....
ada pningkatan intelektualitas dlm diri gw [at least i thought so..]

spertinya banyak penggunaan kata2 baru yg 'ga bs dibilang ga berat' skrg2 ini.

ampe sonjed aja, dlm bbrp kali obrolan di telp or di ym, bilang "duh, kata-kata loe,nyet!"

hehehe........ keren jga....
akibat bgadangan ngerjain translation, trus jd kbuka smua vocabulary yg terkunci dalam lipetan otak yg jarang terjamah,

hmm,.. it's a good thing sih.
susahnya, nanti makin g nyambung ngomong ma org yg emg otaknya sempit, atau ama org2 normal pada umumnya.
tpi ga penting jga sih
krn ga ngarep nyambung jga ma mreka.
ngapain jga gw yg usaha utk nyambung? ada jga mreka yg usaha ya ga?
emg ga cocok deh ma para common people.

tpi tmen2 seperjalanganku,
ampe kpn qta akan slalu connected kan?
krn saat kita berjalan maju, para common people itu berlari mundur.
aaaaah.... kesiaaaaaaaan....

ngahahahahahaa...... itu lah jalang.
saat common people dlm keterpurukan mental dan mengalami degradasi intelektualitas.
disitulah qta berevolusi menuju kesempurnaan dlm ketidaksempurnaan yg sempurna.

and while the others trying hard to be alive, we just sat and smile.
because we are not alive, we are the life it self.

mengapa berusaha sekian kerasnya untuk menjadi tergantung akan sesuatu hal yg realitas nya msh absurd?
why being alive when we can become the life?

knp harus hidup dgn aturan2 yg memberatkan, saat kita punya kmampuan utk membuat aturan2 sendiri?
emang semua punya jalurnya sendiri. dan sebuah jalur tidak akan ada tanpa suatu aturan yg membentuknya.
tapi, dun be so fckin skeptical.
aturan2 untuk jalur tersebut dibuat oleh manusia bukan..?
dan kita manusia juga bukan...?
emang ada aturan dr Tuhan, and gw tau dan percaya itu sbuah ketetapan yg absolut krn ga bs dirubah sama sekali.
tpi itu cma aturan dasar yg simple.
pengembangan dari aturan itu yg dibuat menjadi ribet, dan salahkan para manusia bodoh itu yg membuatnya menjadi ribet.

analoginya, Tuhan cma membuat satu batang pohon, dan ranting2 itu manusia yg membuatnya,
mau bercabang kemana nantinya, itu manusia yg membuat bukan?
jadi knapa harus memilih, lalu bergantung pada salah satu ranting itu?
saat kita punya kemampuan untuk membuat sbuah ranting sendiri?

back to being alive or being a life.
emg yah kdengerannya absurd bgt.
tpi coba deh,,,,
dipikir baek2
kliatan nya yg msk akal emang being alive.
but who's life that u r trying to live for?????????
hahahaha................
someone else's?
konyol.. bodoh..

bingung juga gw ngejelasinnya gmn, spy kalian smua bisa dapet point nya,.
krn emg ini sesuatu yg pointless.
ga bisa dijelasin dgn detail, krn ini bukan untuk dipahamin dan dimengerti krn ada suatu penjelasan yg masuk akal.
ini smua tentang bagaimana kalian mendapatkan sbuah insight, ur own insight, dari sesuatu yg absurd dan pointless.
klo gw jelasin smuanya ampe kalian smua ngerti dan paham.
akhirnya u all still being alive, in me. in my version of 'life'.
Enak aja loe numpang2.........!!!!

ya udh lah......
udh males gw.
tangan pegel.....

from now on..... admit it.... that i am something in everything of everything.
and feel good to be like that.
Dont u wanna be like me?

yawwwwwwh!!!!

akirnya, berhasil bka blogger stelah skian lama ampe sombong mnahan hasrat utk menyampah dgn pnuh arti disini. [ada gtu sampah yg pnuh arti? hehe]

anyway,
sejalan dgn status single yg mulai memudar [fck!fck!] hoho...............
sejalan dgn jalur hidup yg mulai melurus in a twisted way [lurus? twisted?bisa???]
ternyata ada manusia yg sdg melenceng dri jalurnya [scara xtreme mlenceng], sampe2 klo engga cpet2 ambil tindakan, dy akan kehilangan dirinya yg annoying itu,.
baguskah? dia kehilangan dirinya yg annoying? hoho... engga bagus sama skali, hon.
jgn mikir klo dirinya yg annoying itu ilang = dia jdi g annoying.
BIG MISTAKE!! klo dy mlenceng, dy akn mjadi smakin annoying!! in a fcked up way.
slama ini ke-annoying-an nya itu yg membuat qta bs bertemen [hehe,,... ]

trussssss....
pokoknya tu org jd menyeramkan.
ampe2 ak yg mikir "ini sonjed..???" [ini g sok2an dramatis loh!!! ]
then, one nite, dy nelp trus menyampah dan melacur tentunya dgn his 'zombie-ness state'
oo..oo..gawat,! krn biasanya yg zombie-ful itu kan saya. nah, jd aneh klo sonjed yg men-zombie, because he's always being sucha 'life-ful' person.
awkward lah...
ok, so.. hayu menyampah... silahkan... yesh.. satu stenga jam?????
hm... cukup sebentar... dibanding his another late-calls, satu stenga jam mah bentaran.
but..dlm satu stenga jam itu, uuuhhhhhh......... so many sampah, so many celaan2, so many Shitthings, and yg akhirnya...........
pengakuan2 yg amat sgt me-nai-kan [mkdny men-tai-kan].
yah, jgn mikir yg saya tu yg "sabar y, njed" or "gw ngerti ko prasaan lw" ngahahahaha....
mana ada dlm kamus seorang jalang yg kyk tai gituan????
walopun saya ini jalang, tpiiii... ga akn saya mengucapkan kata2 busuk sperti itu.
ih... engga deh!.
klo sonjed butuh kalimat2 sperti itu, dy ga akn nelp saya. we both know dat for sure!

ya udh lah..................
sgala macem diomongin, ampe akhirnya.........
sonjed mengeluarkan ktawanya yg nyebelin, kyk tai, hoooeek pokoknya tai bau busuk bgt.
but i'm glad.... krn stidaknyaaaaaaaaa.......... itu ktawa bnerannya si sonjed!!!!
hmm...worried to sick sih ma dy, ampe2 saya yg merencanakan utk nyamperin dy k bdg.
hehe....bkn worried yg kyk gmn gtu, worried yg takut dy kburu kembali jd his oldself trus saya nda bs liat dy dlm his 'fcked-up zombie-ness' state.
ngahahaha..... ngeliat dy lgi brantakan itu, waaw... such a gift from above. mknya kpengen bgt liat sonjed lg jdi zombie.
kapan lagiiiii cobaaaaa???? [yesh...i'm a heartless whore!]
ak sih pengen dy sembuh, tapi yah jgn buru2 gtu, stidaknya sampe ak bisa ngeliat dy live and personal dalam keberantakan nya. pnasaraaaaaaaaan bgt......
sonjed brantakan? sonjed zombie-ful? waaaa........ kpengen liat!!!
pnasaraaaaan!!!
ngahahahaha... gw emg kejam! [i can be a bitch & a gud friend @the same time]



hihihi.... biarin aja........... terserah kalian yg baca mo mikir saya apa.
like i would give a damn bout dat? ih..ga penting.
ga ush sok2 an melankolis atau apalah.......

at least... i'm trying 2 b a gud friend, even tho in sorta whore-ishly way.
tpi tohhh........ thank goat, sonjed berhasil merubah onggokan ke-tai-an-nya become enlightments [yesh, it's plural, honey]
u rock, njed!

inget........................
finding an enlightment in a whole bunch of shit is an achievement? hoho... nope,darl.
that is just another fckin piece of crap.

changing the whole bunch of shit into an enlightment?
now that is wat i call achievement.

and congrats, bro.
u succeded to change a whole bunch of shit into enlightments !!!!!!
that is a fckin awesome achievement.
keep it up.........

and me?
still.......
numero #uno jalang in dis fckin universe [hahah...i'm bein so fckin dramatic!!!!!]


tha2

got it from facebook's quizzes

as for the result..

i am :
Ganesha's Dream

Ganeshas Dream is an excellent mix of Northern light mixed with Shiva.

Ganeshas Dream is light green and stronger than the original Northern light.

Shes a short bushy plant that grows well on bio soil.

An extremely sweet smell.

A bit stronger smoke when compared to Northern light and has a stronger high.

Number one of its kind and is well suited for indoor cultivation.

This plant has a wonderful aroma is relatively easy to grow.

btapa aneh
smua ini.
antara menjadi hidup, menjalaninya, bertahan untuk hidup dan tentunya melepas hidup.
lucunya smua hal itu terlihat sperti multi-choices kuisioner, ada byk pilihan ada byk alternatif.
well. ternyata tidak.
smuanya hanya mengarah kpd 2 kesimpulan. hanya ada 2 pilihan disetiap fase itu.

well..
ga tau juga mo nulis ap lg.
krn emg ak blm paham bgt ttg smua hal itu.

yah.. gt aj.

some friends asked me..
"whadda fck ur blog's name means?"

hihihiii....

lunacy means 'kegilaan' . sudah jelas bukan?

insanity means 'kegilaan' [sama aja]. jelas juga bukan?

trus apa yg hrs dipertanyakan?

sebenernya ga penting juga hrs ngejelasin hal-hal yg kyk gini.

uh... but i luv it when people dont understand and have courage to ask.

ya udhlah... drpd hrs nulis panjang-panjang.

is it lunacy or just insanity crisis?

artinya.

apa ini suatu kegilaan atau cuma krisis kegilaan?

jelas? ngerti maksudnya?

ngerti gak?

gak ngerti?

mau dijelasin lagi?

uh...

jadi itu adalah sebuah pertanyaan yg seharusnya kalian jawab stelah membaca posting-posting saya di sini.

setiap saya menulis, trus baca lagi hasil penuangan pikiran saya.
ada pertanyaan yg selalu kepikiran.
"gue nulis ini krn gue gila atau krn gue waras?"

gituuuuuuuuuu...

ah... selebihnya... mikir sendiri aja.

klo msh blm ngerti, yah... blh ko nanya lebih lanjut ke saya.


cuma..

sampe sekarang, saya msh bingung,
masuk dalam klompok mana si saya ini?

yg gila kah? atau yg waras kah?

mungkin ada yg tau?

There was a girl named "un-named"

she woke up @ 03:00 am
it was 'bout the time the nite ended
while the morning still yet to come.

she stepped down from her bed
and walk to the kitchen
with her foot wrapped up in 'green and red christmas-trees-printed-socks'

she made a cup of tea
then,
she took a glass and poured cold chocolate milk into it
"a half glass" she thought.
she looked @ the table
a cup of tea and a half-filled glass of cold chocolate milk were on it.
she poured the tea into the half-filled glass of cold chocolate milk.
smiled and said to herself " this'll do for now"
she took the glass and walked into the bathroom
Oh..how she loved holding the glass with her both hands.
feeling the cold-lower-part of the glass with her left palm
and the warm-upper-part of the glass with her right palm.

she filled the bath tub with warm water,
she sat on the closet,
drank the milky tea
and light a cig
inhale... exhale...

then she undressed herself
stepped into the tub
along with her 'green and red christmas-trees-printed-socks' still worn

"la..la..la..la..la..la..la"
she was humming a noteless song with a toneless voice
twisting a ring in her finger

"no shampoo, no bath gel for today" she reminded herself.

the water's getting cold.
stepped out the tub,
still with her 'green and red christmas-trees-printed-socks' on.

walked out from bathroom
naked..
with wrapped up foot in wet 'green and red christmas-trees-printed-socks'
the floors were all wet
the socks were to blame.

she wore her best dress
it was a summer dress
orange and pink summer dress
with spaghetti straps
empire line
and cute ruffles on the chest

she looked so beautiful
even with the wet 'green and red christmas-trees-printed-socks' still worn.

she stood in front of the mirror
she smiled
and pony-tailed her hair
with a white glittery scrunchy

it was already 05:00 am
she walked out to the balcony
she looked down
said to herself "right on time, luv"
when a white care was about to park right under her balcony.
she smiled when ther car is perfectly parked.

without hesitate,
she stepped over her balcony's railing.
and let herself fall down

"what a lovely breeze" she said.
"what a lovely morning" she thought.

and..
Crashed!!!!
she crashed right on top of the white car
with an awfully loud noise.

she smiled with blood flowing through her mouth and nose

she said for the last time with a breathless voice,
"and you will never forget me, my luv of my life"

the man inside the white car was awfully shocked
he hurried himself stepped out the car.

He choked..

he saw the girl that wears the same ring as he wore,

in a summer dress that he gave her on her birthday,

and a pair of wet 'green and red christmas-trees-printed-socks' that he bought for her after he had proposed her,

and a white glittery hair scrunchy that belongs to a woman that he once had affair with.

Mighty consciousness..

lend me a bit of yours

i'll be thankful if it's fer free

cos i can't afford to pay

dun hav money to spend

dun hav luck to gamble

dun hav dignity n pride to giv away

lend me a bit of consciousness. no. no. Lend me SOME.

no. no. no. dun lend. Giv!

yea. Gimme a bit. no. gimme sum. no. gimme much!!!

as much as u can. as much as u hav.

pleeez.

my mighty consciousness.

there's sum weird feelings haunted me these days..
sum hopes, sum dreams.. sum impossibilities
sum awkwardness..
hopefully they wont float into the surface.
gonna keep it for myself for now.
no one's gonna know.
will it be? someday? be possible?
because..
it seems so promising.. so..ah.. dunno.. expectable..maybe.. so expectable.
or maybe.. it's just me? having the oh-so-great expectation?

listen to the waves
everything communicates
will it ever be
anything more..
than wishful thinking?

i ask myself over n over?
will it ever be anything more than wishful thinking?
ko jadi kyk yg depresi gitu yah?
ni bkn depresi, tapi berpikir.. berharap, andaikan.. bla..bla..
nothing is impossible, aite?
all i have to do now is.. wait..? or do a lil thing to show it..?
i need to know. u need to know. they need to know.

oh..no.. there u go
looked away
u missed the show
how much wasted time
will u survive?

tricky... tricky.. felt that? realized that? knew that?
was it that cold?
cos whether it was a "play dumb" thing or "dun hav any clue at all",
i still can't draw a conclusion from that.
ah.. wat a feckish state that i'm in.
entah lah.. akankah bertahan dgn semua kekonyolan ini?
aku? kamu? mereka?
seharusnya "ya".. tapi sampai kapan?
is dis the real me?. the real u?. the real them?.


oh yea.. fooled again
dunno why and i dunno when
not much else to blame
but wishful thinking

so..




i played more on the surface.
i see. it's gettin on the line.
hooked. like a fish. but still. cold. cold. hard as a stone.
hav a heart? or is it gone already? or is it someone else's?
bisakah merasakan a bit tingling feeling in ur stomach?
atau.. rapid heart beats?
does the heart beat? or is it already rotten long time ago?
but i wont gave up.
on me. on u. on them. on everyone.
because i need to feel alive
to feel me. to feel u. to feel them.
wanna blame my wishful thinking. but i can't.
beacuse i can only live from that.

Conflict..

yup.. ini cerita tentang konflik,.

bingung ak, knapa terkadang susah bgt untuk berpegang teguh pada komitmen.
walaupun udh segenap hati dan tenaga, sometimes ada aja hal kecil yg membuat semuanya jadi berantakan.
kalo udh kejadian kyk gitu, mesti ngumpulin semuanya yg pecah berkeping-keping, dan itu makan waktu banyak, tenaga yg banyak juga dan tentunya sakit hati yg banyak juga.

mungkin untuk itulah setan ada di sekitar kita, cuma terkadang.. mikir juga.. apa emang "setan yg diciptakan Tuhan" yg menggoda kita, atau "setan dlm diri kita" yg membuat semuanya berantakan.
terkadang sulit juga untuk meng-koneksikan antara setan yg menggoda manusia untuk berbuat dosa, dgn setan yg gentayangan atau nemplok di pohon. karena secara harfiah, keduanya disebut setan.
jadi rancu gitu, yg mana setan yg nyata? walaupun mereka juga blm bs dibilang nyata.
tapi yg jadi pertanyaan, yg mana sih yg disebut "setan yg sebenarnya"?

karena menurutku setan yg suka membisikkan "bujuk rayu untuk berdosa" di telinga kita itu sebenrnya gak ada. Itu mnurutku adalah "hasrat", dan krn sifat dasar manusia itu adalah "denial", yah mrk lebih nyaman untuk menyebut nya "setan".

iya gak sih?
krn yg mnakutkan adalah "setan-setan" yg tdk terlihat itu., dibanding kuntilanak 100 tahun yg gelantungan berayun-ayun di pohon mangga, atau pocong yg menyempil di gang kecil, atau makhluk2 kerdil yg berlarian di pinggir sungai.,

a rare find,

but she's not an object,

not to keep,

to steal and hide.

she doesn't glow or sparkle,

especially not in the dark.

she doesn't move in slow motion

and

with hair that shines and stuns everyone.

she doesn't even speak

or

appear in an angelic way.

no,

she's not all that,

in fact, she's just a woman,

and..

a woman,

in this world of whores,

is
indeed a rare find.