After having its turbulences and blackout, finally my BB starts to recover.. Even tho it's very slow,at least it is getting better..
Hopefully it is gonna be back to its normal functions..
And.......
As for my self..
Not recovering at all..
Believe it or not, I still have rage against him.. I need to do a revenge, a very chic and sophisticated revenge, and of course with high intelectuality..
This wound is too hard to heal and to deep to vanish.. It'll leave a mark until forever..

Help me,God..
Forgive for this one..
I can forgive him, but I can't let go all those things that hurt me..

Sent from my BlackBerry®
powered by Sinyal Kuat INDOSAT

Super skinny worm wanna cut herself in two..
Thenshe thinks that it will be less cutem
She wants to die by mutilating her self in a chic and sophisticated way,
How..oh..how..??

Tahiiiiiiiiik.... Stressssss bgt gw..

Apa kbr irma?
Kabar baaaaaa(b)iiiiiiiiiiiikk...!!!!

Sent from my BlackBerry®
powered by Sinyal Kuat INDOSAT

ko potonya brantakan yahhh???

biarlah... pusing jga ngaturnya..
yg pnting ternyata ktemeu poto2 keiko di friendster (ooo maiii... FS???!!)

dan gw ud ga gtu sedih lgi...

 

 

  

Gila akh..gila...
Modem laptop error.. Ga bs onlen dr kpn tauuu, trus skrg malm minggu..
Uuuuuffff...... Stelah hari2 minggu2 yg berat dan tentunya tnpa kencan malm minggu, spertinya gw butuuuuuh bgt kencan malm ini... Or at least.. A social hangout..
Yes, I depressed...!!!!!!
So ffffffckin depressed...!!!!!!

I need a refreshing... And suddenly I feel alone...
Have no friends.. Where r u guys when I need u???
Don't just being here when u needed me... Aaakhhh... Taiik lo smua...
Sebel gw...

Sent from my BlackBerry®
powered by Sinyal Kuat INDOSAT

Nyeheeeee...
Gr2 kcentilan pgn ganti suasana blog, eh eh eh... Yg ada poto, quotes, puisi smua ilaaaaaaaang...
Setaaaaaan...!!!!!
Sialaaaaaan...!!!!!

Ugh... Yg pling menyesakkan.. Ada poto gw ma keiko,pas lg d anyer..
Dan ternyata ga ada backup nyaaa..... Benciiiiiiiiii gw benciiiiiiiiiiiii
Emosiiiiiiiiii
Sediiiiiiiih.....
Mw nangissssssss..... Tu best pose nya keiko bgt :(
Tuuh.... Jd kangeeeeeen....
Klo dlu pas bln puasa gini, dy udh nunggu di pintu ruang tamu, pas azan ikutan buka puasa.. Wlpn makanannya beda..
Qta makan kolak,dy mkn pedigree..
Aduuuuuuuuuh......
Kangen keikoooooooo......
Sent from my BlackBerry®
powered by Sinyal Kuat INDOSAT

@mom's room @mom's bed

Being patheticly disgusting...
I'm thinking about love.. Errrrr...
Passion, to be exact..
I missed being full of passion..
I need intimacy
I need romance
I need those kinds of ffckin lame things..
not a big problem since I have a boyfriend.. Rite?
But it seems like my bf kinda losin his passion.. Or maybe there're more important things than those ffckin lame things?
Aah.. Dunno..
but I feel bitter..!!!!
Damn...................

Well... Ffck..
Confused.. Should sleep now..

Tha"

Sent from my BlackBerry®
powered by Sinyal Kuat INDOSAT

Gak bangun sahur, krn badan demam.. Untung lg tidur ma nyokap, jdi stidaknya ad yg nyadar klo gw demam.. Nyokap yg nyuru gw ga ush bgn sahur, ktnya pagi aja makannya, dy mw bikinin telor 1/2 mateng...
Paginya...??
Sarapan juga engga... Krn ni bdn krasa makin ga enak... Tpi toh wlpn sakit, tetep hrs usaha ga dirasain kn..?
Akhirnya sore2, udh enakan ni bdn trus abis magrib lsg buka laptop ngerjain laporan keuangan...
Tiba2 ngerasa kyk sakit lgi.. Mata ngeblur, pala puyeng, perut mual..
Bru nyadar pas jam 11an malm apa sebab dr smua itu... Gw ternyata seharian blm makan... Maaakkkk... Goblok bgt gw jdi manusia.. Makan aja ampe lupa.. Sgini beratnya yah ampe lupa ma urusan perut?
Well... Tpi bersyukurlah udh ada nasi plus sayur bayam plus sayap ayam goreng tepung yg msuk ke perut gw, and yg lebih asik lagi...
Mama tersayang yg nyuapin... Hehehe...
Rasanya lsg tenaaaaaaang bgt...
Mama mama... Knp sih slalu bsa bkin irma lupa ma smua beban dan masalah yg ada cma dgn brada di deket irma?
Mmmh... Udah ah critanya... Mw tidur, cos I really need a gawddamn gud rest.. Bsk kudu kerja, and skrg udah ga sabar mw tidur lgi di sbelah mama...

Nite2, fella...
Sent from my BlackBerry®
powered by Sinyal Kuat INDOSAT

Aaah... Siaullll...
Malem ni jam sgini msh blm ngantuk...
Pdhl 2 minggu blakangan ni, slalu tidur jam 7an trus bgn jam 9 or 10an trus tidur lgi jam 11an ampe pagi menjelang..
Or pas puasa, yah bgn sahur bntar lsg tidur lgi ampe pagi..
Tapiii... Ngapa ni skrg blm ngantuka2 juga???!!!!
Drtd jga blm tidurrrr... Aaaargh..... Fffffffck... Gw pgn bobo... Ndak mau bgadangan...
Nanti kuyus..
Btw just for info, 45 skrg kmbali menjadi obsesi gw.. Krn gw skrg 37.. Omajoooooodh... Macam ikan asin bulu ayam body gw skrg...
Udh bkn lg skinny worm (nickname dr sonjed) tpi udh jadi super skinny worm.. Ugh...

Gmn yah caranya ndud lagi..??
My cute ass started to lose its cute-ness.. Damn damn damn....!!!!!! #
Sent from my BlackBerry®
powered by Sinyal Kuat INDOSAT

Tough day today.. So fffffckin hard day..
Di kantor ga beres, puasa batal gara2 nangis plus emosi..
Dtambah lgi dimaki-maki ma kakak..
Heran gw ma kakak gw yg satu itu..
Ada apa2 ngamuk, teriak2, ya apalah kyk kesetanan.. Seolah2 org yg diajak ngomong tu sampah...
Dan sialnya hari ini yg jadi sampah dimuka dy itu gw..
Emang gw tuh siapa??? Gw adeknyaaaa...!!!!!! Hey brother, wake up!!,
Beda umur kita tuh 9 tahun..
Gw cewek lo cowok...
Bsa kn pke cara laen untuk negur atw apa gt?
Toh ksalahan bukan di gw kok.. Knp hrs gw yg di sampah2in...??? Sediiiiiiih kak... Sakit ni hatiiiii....
kecewa...kecewa..kecewa...
Gw udh ngerasa enuff bgt buat hri ini, cukup cukup dan CUKUP...!!!!!

Sent from my BlackBerry®
powered by Sinyal Kuat INDOSAT

skian lama lupa ma nih blog, yg dulunya gw commit as the only one who wont give any judgement on my life...
ternyata terlupakan juga...
yah.. manusia namanya juga...

well anyway........
so much things happenned until i think i started to be normal...
mmh... i'll try to write more often.. not to tell u about my life, just for a reminder to myself in case i have somekind of amnesia of skip syndrome... hehehe...

that's all...

mmh... one thing ...

ga bsa yah blogger dri BB ???
ribet kan jadinya klo hrus buka web nya muluuu.....

argh..
another nu job, another busy hours.. but still.. the same old fvckin annoying people..
wut's with being commited sih?
is it so hard to hold on a commitment?
so why they have to make one?
why?
it's became so fvkin meaningless, all those times, energy, devotion.. bcos in the end, i mean now, everything that i've done seems so worthless..
trying to make everyone happy, and in return they put me into sucha endless misery..

tahixxx... tahixxx...

im workin as an isolator..

paan sigh tugh??

jdi kerjaan ku meng-isolate orang yg emang butuh kesendirian dan ketenangan...
kesendirian disini bkn berarti bener2 sendiri, bisa juga dikelilingi orang tapi yg ga dikenal.

cara isolate org macem2..

ada yg dikurung di kamar (normal nya rata2 kbykn org)
ada di genteng or balkon
di perpustakaan
or....... dmn2...!!!!!!!!!

it's a challenging job, and it's fun especially when the person refused to be isolated.
but it's my task, my job and my income source.. so.. i gotta do it without having any pity...

hihihihi...

i am a cold-blooded isolator

hehe.. ive always hated weekends.. but u know what? the strange thing now is..
i learned to like weekend.. mmh... to exact is im tryin to be happy on weekend.

u see, lamount came up wit the term "hppy saturday".. every early saturday, he always texting me or saying "hppy saturday, darl".
at first i fet like wanna ppuke all over the floor..
but through time, im gettin used of that words.

hehe.. and now i just cant wait for weekend, just to hear those words.
hehehe... i know it's lame.

but dont worry, everything between us is always two ways.
i learned to like weekends, and he learned to LOVE monday... just like i do...

mmh.... the fact of me loving monday is way more strange and lame than waiting saturday to come, aite???

hehe...

happy saturday, fella

hihihihihihi
taetaetaetae
huhuhuhuhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

ga bisa tidur!!!!
bingung mw ngapain
roko abis, duit ga punya, mw tidur ga bisa, mw ngemil ga ad makanan..
hiahahahaha... sumpah...sial bgt nih...

hppy monday udah lewat, skrg udah selasa, aaargh... mulailah bad luck menghampiri saya...

knp yak, bad luck + kesengsaraan idup pada doyan bgt nyamperin gw?
kbanyakan dosa kah????

wkwkwk...
sapa sih yg ga suka daydreaming.. emg udh sifat dasar gw yg full of imagination, tiap ga ada kerjaan pasti daydreaming.. hahaha.. emg salah yah? engga kan?
cuma eh cuma... lama2 ko jdi agak sulit ngebedainnya yah?
hihi.. emg dasar gw dungu aj... mulai berdelusi...
pas udh nyadar, eh,,,,, needs nya nambah.
aah.. another thing that should written on my list (entah to do list, shopping list, vacation destination list..yea..wutever lah)
jadi bingung kan..
actually, im trying hard to find the real meaning and differences of need and want in a very practical and realistic way.
tapi susah bgt loh...
kadang something that i want berubah jadi (seolah-olah) something that i need, nope, salah, something i really (really!) need.
huehehehe...

my brother used to say "hey, stop daydreaming.. tambah gila ntar..!"

as usual, i never stop, i cant stop...
daydreaming is my inspiration's trigger.. and also conflict's trigger.
but i like bein in such situation...
even now..
when im crashed,...

just smile, and pretending everything is okay, and start another dumb time and daydreaming..

mmhhh...
that's it for now.

tha"

jdi gini yah rasanya...

ribet bikin susu, ribet bikin promina...
ribet ngediemin klo nangis
ribet nemenin maen
ribet nge-nina boboin

ribet ribet ribet...
but i luv ribetness...
hahaha.....
jadi walaupun capek, ribet, bikin pusing, tetep aja.... ga bs ninggalin abel lama2, jd males pergi lama2, krn bawaannya kangeeeeeeeeen muluuuuu....

luv u, abel... my baby...

udah lama banget ga nulis yah, entah ga ada waktu atau emang ga mood atau apa lah...
setelah sekian lama ini, banyak bgt yang terjadi.. ga bs nyebutin satu persatu juga, tapi yah balance lah antara good things ma bad things nya..

so... to be honest, this started to feel like my 2nd home... tapi this is emang my 2nd home...
i like it (really..!!!) ..

ya udah lah... bingung mo nulis apa lagi..

just wanna let u all know, i am fine, and still alive til now.
(if u'r hoping that im dead, yea..u can ffck urself!!)

tha"

I'm hypnotized
By the beauty of the morning light
It draws me in and draws me out
And in the breeze I feel the life
Supping gently from my skin
Silence fills my head and everything
The water gently passes by
As I sit here mesmerized
I don't feel the way it drags me down
Across the waves I see a light
Shining golden in my path
Beauty fills my eyes and everything
Calling me
The beach song sings to me
I hear it calling me
Suicide can't bring me down
Your love can't turn around
Suicide can't take me
Suicide can't bring me down

Fading sun above the city of dusts
i stare out of the windowas far as my eyes do not betray me
People mistaking happiness for lust
easier for me to follow
somehow my conscience won't let me
swimming in a sea of hipocrisy
dreams vaporizing in skies of lies
hope withers dust to rust
I am what my conscience is
I am what I know is good
I am what I believe in...

--nucky--